Oh, reality television, you double-edged sword you. The Bachelor is definitely an American…staple… to say the least. And what pairs better with love (or lack thereof)? Wine!
We paired the 21 contestants (because do you seriously count if you don’t make it past the first night?) with wines. Make sure to pour one out when your favorite doesn’t get the….Rosé.
Amanda Stanton – Brut Rosé
This blonde California beauty is definitely a showstopper. She is also a lover of Botox. If we had to look into our crystal ball, we would say her future holds yacht parties and a smile frozen in injections. However, just like a sparkling Rosé, Amanda is fun, bright, and just sweet enough.
Amber James – Merlot
Guess who’s back? Amber was on last season’s Bachelor, and has arrived to strike again. Honestly, we can’t really pin down her standout characteristics. We stamp her with Merlot, because she’s definitely nice, but when it truly comes down to it, ultimately forgettable.
Becca Tilley – Moscato
Joining Amber for another go-around at “love,” Becca is a past-season returner. She’s sweet like sugar—just like a chilled Moscato.
Caila Quinn – Unoaked Chardonnay
Caila is an old soul at heart. She loves old movies, she likes U2, and she thinks a pomegranate is a forbidden fruit. Unlike her oaked counterparts, Caila is still bright – just like an unoaked Chardonnay.
Emily Ferguson – Pink Moscato
Twin number One is a definitely someone who will claim she “tells it like it is,” and isn’t afraid to share whatever dirt she has on you. In fact, her most embarrassing moment was “peeing my pants in front of my whole high school cheer team.” Similar to those friends you had that peaked in high school, Emily is a Pink Moscato through and through.
Haley Ferguson – Gewürztraminer
Twin Number Two is pretty similar to Twin Number One, but she’s a bit more reserved. She was almost a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and if the opportunity struck, would be Taylor Swift for a day. Same. We label her a Gewürztraminer, a close relative to the shockingly sweet Pink Moscato.
Jackie Dion – White Zinfandel
Jackie is a simple girl with a sweetness we all enjoy once in awhile. Her dream date is a picnic and ice cream, and she’ll impress her man by crafting like no Pinterest queen has crafted before. How cute. In our book, Jackie is a total White Zinfandel poured into a homemade, glitter-glue covered wine glass.
Jami Letain – Sauvignon Blanc
This woman has some spunk. Jamie is a cutie with a solid sense of humor, and if she could be any fictional character, she would be Black Widow. If that isn’t the greatest character to be compared to, I don’t know who is. With all of these characteristics in one bottle, we’re labeling Jamie a Sauvignon Blanc for her likeability and splash of sass.
Jennifer Saviano – Petite Sirah
There are no brakes on Jennifer’s train. Seriously, the woman made it a point to say that out of the entire animal kingdom, she would be a dolphin because they are the only mammals that have sex for pleasure. This brutal acidity is only rivaled by a Petit Sirah.
Joelle “JoJo” Fletcher – Pinot Noir
For most, JoJo is a dream come true. She has decent taste in music, movies, and she can make a three-leaf clover with her tongue…okay maybe we could go without the tongue tricks. Either way, she’s lovable, just like a great bottle of Pinot Noir.
Jubilee Sharpe – Malbec
After nearly five years of active duty, Jubilee is definitely a little spicy but also appreciates the simple things in life, like Netflix and eating snacks in bed. We label Jubilee a peppery, but slightly mellow Malbec.
Lace Morris – Syrah
Okay, so Lace is definitely one of those women who comes on a bit too strong. In her bio, she rambles about going “number 2” for the entire world to see and share on Facebook. Definitely getting some notes of slightly crazy and overwhelming. Lace is 100 percent Syrah, and will need a perfect pairing to balance her personality.
Lauren Barr “LB” – Chianti
This season, in the sea of 50 girls named Lauren, LB is the quiet one. She’s simple and her craziest moment was – fasten your seatbelts – joining a sorority in college (because that is SO not her). In all honesty, she’s pretty dry, just like a Chianti.
Lauren Bushnell – Cabernet Sauvignon
Lauren Bushnell is definitely in the running for our future BFF. She is super confident, fun, and her guilty pleasure is boozy brunch with mimosas. We may be passing judgments too early, but we would label her a Cabernet Sauvignon for her strong personality.
Lauren Himle – Prosecco
Lauren H. was a kindergarten teacher and it truly shows. Her love for television and The Bachelor in general is overstated in her bio, and her wedding-themed Pinterest boards are totally hip. We would rank her a Prosecco for her almost too bubbly aura.
Leah Block – Rioja
Leah is an event planner and definitely has a wild side. Her wildest moment was when she twerked in her interview for the show. With a fire like that, the only wine that could compare to her is Rioja.
Mandi Kremer – Pinot Grigio
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most sassy of them all? Mandi takes the trophy home with her sharp sarcasm. If you haven’t caught her audition tape, pop some popcorn and prepare for some wit. She’s just dry enough, like a Pinot Grigio, and we think we like it that way.
Olivia Caridi – Champagne
Oh Olivia. You had such a budding career in journalism. Sadly it seems the attention of the nightly news just wasn’t enough for you. Thankfully, you’re now gracing televisions on a national level. Your eye-catching nature is just like a bottle of Champagne.
Rachel Tchen – Riesling
With her biggest fear being not settling down before she’s 30, and the fact that she wants to be Cookie Monster, Rachel is sweeter than candy. In fact, we would argue she might be too sweet on occasion. Either way, we’re going to pour a Riesling out for Rachel.
Samantha Passmore – Vinho Verde
Sam Passmore is a kind bachelorette to say the least. Her love of WiFi and coffee strike a chord with us common folk. She’s fun and bright, just like a young Vinho Verde.
Shushanna Mkrtchyan – Bordeaux
Seriously one of the smartest ladies on the show, Shushanna is a full-blown mathematician. We’re shocked. She’s definitely a breath of fresh air and stands out from the rest. We label her a fine Bordeaux that is meant to be savored.