January 8, 2016 will forever be a day marked in history.
On this terrible January 8, United Kingdom Chief Medical Officers laid down the law on consumption of alcohol — refuting the idea that consuming alcohol (looking at you red wine) has any health benefits.
Before we all go into a massive panic, let us pause, because I have some doubts about these recommendations that are coming from across the pond. Am I a scientist? No. Am I a doctor? Definitely not.
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But guess what world, I am a single person in this grand community of people who love wine. And it is for these lovers of vino, that I have something to say about this battle against booze.
My blood stream is 99% red wine ?
— Maranda☽ (@Marandanicole20) January 7, 2016
To start, this report was produced by groups of “experts” – which to me seems like somebody needs to check their university’s code of conduct and remember how to properly cite a source. We would definitely say we’re a group of “experts” when it comes to knocking back a glass of Pinot every now and then yet where is our invite to the report party?
The report also goes further to say that if we all choose to drink, we must make sure not to consume more than “14 units.” For those of us that need a little clarification (AKA everyone) this recommendation clocks our favorite 750mL bottle of wine at about 10 units. That means according to these recommendations, the next time your mother says she’s coming for the weekend you have to say, “sorry Mom, I’ve already had 7.5 units of wine this week so let’s reschedule.”
Nonsense – red wine has kept my entire family alive for years. I’d have slaughtered them without it. https://t.co/qGVvbWCbw5
— Mrs Trellis (@theonlywayisup) January 8, 2016
Because, that’s definitely going to be a fun conversation. The UK does understand Valentine’s Day is approaching, right? Somebody explain to me right now how I’m supposed to accept the idea that it’s okay to be single if I can’t hang with two bottles of Malbec to go with my 10-pound chocolate bar???
– I don’t care if science has decided red wine is bad for me again, gonna drink it anyways #redwine
— Fionnlagh (@catbakerstreet) January 10, 2016
Newsflash: it will end with me bawling my eyes out, binging Gossip Girl reruns on Netflix. #ThanksUKGovernment
I really need a bottle of red wine and Adele’s 25 album on a record player right now. — Priscilla Mendoza (@cilla_mendoza) January 8, 2016
What are we supposed to do with all of these cool decanters? Oh wait I know, FILL THEM WITH OUR TEARS?!?!?! Wine is an art form that takes beautiful grapes LITERALLY FROM NATURE and turns them naturally into an alcoholic beverage that we as humans have been drinking for centuries.
My Italian side of the family told me once that having a glass of wine a day is healthy, I’m living by their words of wisdom .
— Erin Gabriel (@3rin4ose) January 10, 2016
Hell, even animals enjoy a little booze here and there. Why doesn’t this team of “experts” just metaphorically twist the knife corkscrew into our hearts so we can all get on with our day.
If red wine is unhealthy then I don’t want to be healthy. — ..::: Menzi :::.. (@MrMenziN) January 10, 2016
Because let’s just face it everybody — wine builds community.
The woman next to me on the train is swigging red wine straight from the bottle. I’m jealous. I don’t have a bottle to swig from.
— Ruth Mitchell (@BeerFaerie) January 7, 2016
And without it, our world wouldn’t be the same – or our sometimes lack of correct grammar. Who’s going to judge your ability to construct a sentence when there’s a glass of wine in your hand?
It’s always a adventure when you watch Finding Nemo and drinking red wine. ? — Wenicki (@wendyboosue) January 10, 2016
Also, I want to see a resume, cover letter, and at least three letters of recommendation for these “experts” because this all smells like some political ~ nonsense ~
— Robert Beezer (@CaptBeezer) January 7, 2016
— Shart Blattersby (@ShartBlattersby) January 7, 2016
The first two words of the article are Government experts.That was a great time-saver. I stopped reading right there https://t.co/DDDbJUcy5X
— ✞♕In God I Trust♕✞ (@InGodIDoTrust) January 7, 2016
At the end of the day, let’s just take these recommendations with a grain of salt.
Pro tip: just rely on the fact that red wine is somewhat good for you and don’t ask any questions
— Lillian Walsh (@lilywalshh) January 8, 2016
And pour another glass…