Reacting to the wine health ruling

January 8, 2016 will forever be a day marked in history.

On this terrible January 8, United Kingdom Chief Medical Officers laid down the law on consumption of alcohol — refuting the idea that consuming alcohol (looking at you red wine) has any health benefits.

Before we all go into a massive panic, let us pause, because I have some doubts about these recommendations that are coming from across the pond. Am I a scientist? No. Am I a doctor? Definitely not.

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But guess what world, I am a single person in this grand community of people who love wine. And it is for these lovers of vino, that I have something to say about this battle against booze.

To start, this report was produced by groups of “experts” – which to me seems like somebody needs to check their university’s code of conduct and remember how to properly cite a source. We would definitely say we’re a group of “experts” when it comes to knocking back a glass of Pinot every now and then yet where is our invite to the report party?

The report also goes further to say that if we all choose to drink, we must make sure not to consume more than “14 units.” For those of us that need a little clarification (AKA everyone) this recommendation clocks our favorite 750mL bottle of wine at about 10 units. That means according to these recommendations, the next time your mother says she’s coming for the weekend you have to say, “sorry Mom, I’ve already had 7.5 units of wine this week so let’s reschedule.”

Because, that’s definitely going to be a fun conversation. The UK does understand Valentine’s Day is approaching, right? Somebody explain to me right now how I’m supposed to accept the idea that it’s okay to be single if I can’t hang with two bottles of Malbec to go with my 10-pound chocolate bar???

Newsflash: it will end with me bawling my eyes out, binging Gossip Girl reruns on Netflix. #ThanksUKGovernment

What are we supposed to do with all of these cool decanters? Oh wait I know, FILL THEM WITH OUR TEARS?!?!?! Wine is an art form that takes beautiful grapes LITERALLY FROM NATURE and turns them naturally into an alcoholic beverage that we as humans have been drinking for centuries.

Hell, even animals enjoy a little booze here and there. Why doesn’t this team of “experts” just metaphorically twist the knife corkscrew into our hearts so we can all get on with our day.

Because let’s just face it everybody — wine builds community.

And without it, our world wouldn’t be the same – or our sometimes lack of correct grammar. Who’s going to judge your ability to construct a sentence when there’s a glass of wine in your hand?

Also, I want to see a resume, cover letter, and at least three letters of recommendation for these “experts” because this all smells like some political ~ nonsense ~

At the end of the day, let’s just take these recommendations with a grain of salt.

And pour another glass…