Tasting notes, stories of romance, even some humor can be found on your favorite bottle of vino. However, the more we read these labels, the more we realize how ridiculous they actually are. How many descriptive adjectives can you really use before your product shifts from a bottle of wine to an erotic novel? Luscious, velvety, smooth–it’s all the same. Better yet, what about the bottles that don’t say anything on the back?

We took a look at the most commonly styled “back labels” of wine bottles and decoded them to reveal the points they’re actually trying to get across.

The Biography

The Biography

The Bilingual

The Bilingual

The Sexually Frustrated

Sexually Frustrated

The Try Hard

Try Hard

The Artisanal Garbage

Artisinal

The LOL

The LOL

The Quiet One

The Quiet One