Alcohol labels are designed to do many things. Entice. Inform. Terrify…
OK, well, not so much that last one. Truth is, alcoholic beverage labels are mostly designed to make you feel contextually awesome about purchasing the particular booze you’re about to purchase (within the bounds of some strict TTB regulations). But sometimes, they do more than that. Sometimes, they truly creep us out.
In the spirit of sharing the creepitude, we figured we’d gather the freakiest booze labels we’ve come across in one place, for your viewing pleasure/terror. The good thing about scary booze labels (unlike scary movies or, say, all clowns): if you actually do get creeped out, you can always open the bottle.
Narragansett Brewing Co. “Lovecraft Innsmouth Olde Ale”
Brewed dark and malty to honor the classic horror fiction author.
Vampire Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon
Self-described “Blood of the Vine.” Really. Any wine from this vineyard will do, because they were all made by a winery founded in Transylvania.
Remy Martin Louis XIII Rare Cask
Not sure if the price tag (25K and hovering) or bottle is scariest. Really though, this bottle looks like the beverage of choice on the Event Horizon.
Crystal Head Vodka
Sure, the company was founded by Dan Aykroyd, which makes it seem friendlier. But it’s a skull. Full of liquor. Gaping at you. Plus, he was in Ghostbusters, arguably the most terrifying movie of all time.
Elysian Brewing Company “The Great Pumpkin”
You know when you can make your jack-o-lantern happy or creepy? Elysian made theirs creepy.
Armida PoiZin
“The wine to die for. RIP.” And yes, Zinfandel.
Twisted Pine Brewing Co. “Ghost Face Killah”
The scariest thing about this beer is probably the searing heat of Bhut Jolokia, or ghost pepper. But if it’s cool with you, we don’t wanna be alone with the bottle.
Absolut Vodka Rock Edition
Not quite a label as much as a way of life? Seriously, this thing looks like it’s going to just come AT you in the night, either outside of a biker bar or near some accidentally opened portal to hell.
3 Floyds Brewing Co. Zombie Dust
Pretty sure that dude on the bottle is a ringwraith (courtesy of comic book artist Tim Seeley). Run, Frodo!
Frozen Ghost Vodka
We don’t really believe that farmer Tobias was murdered over the spring water used to make this vodka, or that his spirit haunts the bottle. But we’re still gonna just keep it in the freezer. Forever.
Clown Shoes Extremely Angry Beast
Clown Shoes has a lot of great labels, but this one’s got some kind of horse dragon hanging out in hell. Points to them for not using terrifying clown imagery.
Baby Mouse Wine
Not sure there’s anything that needs to be said. Except – dead baby mice.
Naga Chili Vodka 250,000 Scovilles
Yep, all those Scovilles are pretty damn scary. But that demon fire skull also won’t stop staring at us.
And just for good measure…Schlitz Clown!
