As years go by, language evolves and takes on different meanings — like when you overhear your niece speaking a different tongue on Snapchat. While it’s debatable whether or not speaking in memes and emojis is truly language taking itself to the next level, we can all agree that wine lovers have a language all their own.
Pour
To The Average Person: Verb meaning to flow rapidly in a steady stream (especially of a liquid).
To The Wine Lover: A unit of measure that references how much wine is in their glass. There are two kinds of pours: good and bad. While the unit is subjective, every wine-lover can judge a pour from a mile away. Waiters beware.
Glass
To The Average Person: A hard, brittle substance, typically transparent or translucent, made by fusing sand with soda, lime, and sometimes other ingredients and cooling rapidly.
To The Wine Lover: A container used for holding wine, also a unit of measure — generally to keep track of consumption over time. When it comes to the size of the wine glass, bigger is better.
Pop
To The Average Person: To make a light explosive sound.
To The Wine Lover: A sound worthy of a ringtone. The moment when the cork is finally released from the bottle containing the vino.
Label
To The Average Person: A small piece of paper, fabric, plastic, or similar material attached to an object that provides information about it.
To The Wine Lover: The only time it’s really okay to judge by appearance.
Bottle
To The Average Person: A container, typically made of glass or plastic and with a narrow neck, used for storing liquids.
To The Wine Lover: The one accessory that goes with every wine lover’s getup and is constantly stocked in the cabinets.
Dry
To The Average Person: Free from moisture or liquid; not wet or moist.
To The Wine Lover: A wine that simply isn’t sweet. #StopSugarBombs2K16
Foil
To The Average Person: Metal hammered or rolled into a thin flexible sheet, used chiefly for covering or wrapping food.
To The Wine Lover: The first barrier of cracking open that favorite bottle of wine. Can easily be removed by pulling off the cap or by trimming it with a knife. It’s sharp edges are also known to pierce the skin when under the influence of a few heavy pours.
Corkscrew
To The Average Person: A thing with a spiral shape or movement.
To The Wine Lover: The key to the wine kingdom. A tool that is in every junk drawer, wine cellar, purse, and pocket of #WineSquad members across the globe.
Box
To The Average Person: A container with a flat base and sides, typically square or rectangular and having a lid.
To The Wine Lover: A long-term companion that supplies them with vino for around four to six weeks. Often mistreated by removing its pouch and being passed around at fraternity parties.
Pairing
To The Average Person: An arrangement or match resulting from organizing or forming people or things into pairs.
To The Wine Lover: A match made in heaven between wine and something else. Pairings can be food based, experience based, or even characteristically based. Prime example includes eating fried chicken with a ridiculously expensive bottle of Champagne.
White
To The Average Person: The color of milk or fresh snow, due to the reflection of most wavelengths of visible light; the opposite of black.
To The Wine Lover: One of the major groups of wine. Varietals include, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, Riesling, and more. Commonly associated with warm afternoons and the Real Housewives’ weapon of choice.
Bubbly
To The Average Person: To contain bubbles.
To The Wine Lover: Sparkling wine. AKA a reason to celebrate the smallest things in life for the hell of it.
Red
To The Average Person: A color at the end of the spectrum next to orange and opposite violet, ex. blood, fire, or rubies.
To The Wine Lover: One of the major groups of wine. Varietals include Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec, Pinot Noir, and more. Commonly associated with juicy steaks and their mother getting a little too loud after dinner.
Pink
To The Average Person: A color intermediate between red and white, ex. coral or salmon.
To The Wine Lover: More than a wine; a lifestyle. Examples include Rosé, White Zinfandel, and Pink Moscato—but we’d rather not talk about those last two. Commonly associated with yachts, brunch, and brunch on a yacht in the heat of summer.
Stain
To The Average Person: A colored patch or dirty mark that is difficult to remove.
To The Wine Lover: Hell on earth. The remnants of a hand gesture gone too far. A spot on the rug that will forever haunt them for days to come.
Porch
To The Average Person: A covered shelter protruding in front of the entrance to a building.
To The Wine Lover: Where friends come together to get low-key wasted and talk major shit about their neighbors. Don’t even get them started on that damn PTA bake sale or Becky’s 17 year-old son who drives way too fast down the street.
Two-Buck-Chuck
To The Average Person: A wine that is low in price.
To The Wine Lover: A mistake that everyone has made and will make again. A great deal on the surface that leads to an ordeal the next morning. It really is hard to say no when a case is $30.
Headache
To The Average Person: A continuous pain in the head.
To The Wine Lover: Usually a sign of dehydration from consuming too much wine, a headache is also a reminder of every stupid thing they did the night before with their head in the grape-filled-clouds. Damn that Two-Buck-Chuck.
Brunch
To The Average Person: A late morning meal eaten instead of breakfast and lunch.
To The Wine Lover: A Sunday ritual taken to the extreme even though it’s just a reason to meet up with friends at 11 AM for wine and slightly overpriced (BUT TO DIE FOR) waffles.
Oak
To The Average Person: A tree that bears acorns as fruit, and typically has lobed deciduous leaves.
To The Wine Lover: The process of aging wine in oak barrels that gives it a smoky or vanilla flavor, however it’s mostly used as a topic to start WWIII at your dinner table. Before they know it, their crazy Aunt Susan will be dropping butter-bombs on your unoaked parade.
Wine
To The Average Person: An alcoholic drink made from fermented grape juice.
To The Wine Lover: The one drink they can always count on to relieve the stress from obnoxious neighborhood children and that try-hard Ben from work who is stealing all of their spotlight.
