The art of the #WineSquad is delicate. Known to previous generations as a clique, crew or even a gang, on the surface, a squad is just a group of friends, but in truth a squad is a way of life.
The #WineSquad is a collective of HBICs (Head Bitch In Charge) that preaches the word of vino. But in order to truly be a #WineSquad, certain goals must be achieved.
The Necessary #SquadGoals to have an on fleek #WineSquad:
#WineSquad always stands together from the beginning of the bottle to the bitter end.
Bad bitches never leave another bad bitch behind. Especially if Chardonnay tears are involved.
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Always have at least one corkscrew on hand at all times.
Members of the #WineSquad must always be armed and ready for an absolutely stunning Cabernet to fall from the sky.
Every member of #WineSquad has a signature wine that they live by.
Yes, Becky will always drink Pinot Grigio and Kasey will always drink a Cabernet, it’s simply how fate works.
A #Winesquad knows it’s OK, even encouraged, to drink from the bottle.
#WineSquad members obviously need their signature bottle, so glasses are optional. Save the stemware, save the world.
Beer in the #WineSquad?
Here at VinePair we’re all about diversity. However, #WineSquad is savage and beer is not allowed. Take that elsewhere.
Have standards. No bags can be slapped by a member of the #WineSquad.
If you wouldn’t want to see it on Instagram the next morning, don’t touch it. Those who slap a bag will be sanctioned immediately.
But a squad must be humble. 2-Buck-Chuck always has a time and place.
A #WineSquad knows that there is a time and place for that gas station wine. Squad members also aren’t afraid of the headache that follows because only bad bitches #WineSquad.
#SquadPhotos must always be properly captioned, filtered, and #Hashtagged.
Pics or it didn’t happen. Plus, how are you supposed to take over the world if people don’t know you’re coming?
25 percent of the squad has to be able to cook while tipsy to satisfy the #WineSquad’s hunger.
The drunchies are too real and a true #WineSquad must have in-house culinary wizards for late night pasta dishes.
#WineSquad must participate in Vineyard Takeovers where they basically own the place.
Is the vineyard prepared for a party of 14 to roll deep in their tasting room? Probably not. Don’t worry as they’ll learn soon who’s really in charge here.
The squad must always roll deep to the wine shop.
Gretchen from Mean Girls was on to something when she said, “Well, I mean you wouldn’t buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.” You may think you like that bottle of Riesling on the shelf, but you could be wrong.
#WineSquad must have squad meetings at least once a week where wine is evaluated and tested against #SquadQuality standards.
To many, this just looks like a bunch of people getting trashed every week, but obviously this is some intense research.
Every #WineSquad must have a signature saying when they clink glasses together in celebration.
And no, it can’t be “Cheers!” A #WineSquad is original and needs an original slogan. “Cheers” is for wannabes and late night television.
So SQUAD UP.
And Wine Down
LONG LIVE #WINESQUAD