President’s Day is a holiday that has lost some of its luster over the years. The day was originally designed to commemorate George Washington’s birthday, and it was moved in the late 1960s under “The Uniform Monday Holiday Act” so we could have more three-day weekends…well, or at least so that government workers could have three day weekends.
Obviously, this whole concept worked out really well because the only people who have off on President’s Day are a bunch of screaming toddlers in preschool. Plus, now George Washington’s birthday isn’t even celebrated on his actual birthday. It’s like when you finally turned legal to drink but had to wait four days until the weekend to actually celebrate—but instead of just happening once, this happens every year.
But just because there are some small flaws in the planning of President’s Day – most importantly that you don’t have off – doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate the individuals who have made it into the White House. While your boss is handing you reports to file and dictating calls to make, take advantage of these sneaky sipping strategies to get festive at your desk with the presidents.
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Coffee Cup: George Washington
The original way to drink in public. A coffee cup with a little something-something in it is the perfect way to start your presidential morning. George Washington would approve of the simplicity—especially if you were sneaking hard apple cider in there.
Juice Bottle: James Madison
Whether it’s taking an empty pomegranate juice bottle and filling it with Merlot or adding some Champagne to your to-go orange juice on the way out, the fruit juice bottle is a perfect incognito imbibing mechanism. James Madison was a huge fan of mimosas, so pour one out for him.
Out-To-Lunch Booze: Andrew Johnson
Probably the easiest way to partake in a little extra fun at work, heading out for lunch and grabbing a drink is generally accepted in most cities. But it’s all about balance when it comes to drinking on the lunch break because one beer too many and you’ll be stumbling back to your desk. Andrew Johnson succumbed to this and showed up to his inauguration drunk. “A for effort.”
Canned Beverage: Rutherford B. Hayes
This method is beloved by students taking summer classes across the country. Take a sip out of your favorite soft drink and fill the rest of the can with some vodka. That’s the only way to get past Rutherford B. Hayes’ wife who tried her hardest to have a dry White House.
Boozy Gummy Bears: Theodore Roosevelt
What better way to ruin your childhood memories and have a great time than boozy candy? Don’t mind this bowl on my desk. These gummy bears are just a fun afternoon snack. Thank you Teddy for making my tipsy candy dreams come true.
Household Decor: James Monroe
This is more of a stretch, but it might be worth looking around your desk and scoping if any office furniture can hold some booze while your boss isn’t looking. You’d be surprised what a tape dispenser can do for you. James Monroe had a similar mindset when over one thousand bottles of wine from France were charged to a congressional account for furniture.
Big Gulp Cup – Grover Cleveland
Opaque cups are the go-to when sneaking alcohol around the office, and bigger can definitely mean better. Cleveland believed in drinking four beers a day, but found drinking four glasses of liquid could be annoying. Instead of having to pour four times, he got a bigger cup.
Empty Mouthwash Bottle: Franklin Pierce
This seems wacky, but don’t cast your judgments just yet. First off, make sure your empty mouthwash bottle is clean and fill it with vodka. Add some food coloring to tint said vodka. Tell your coworkers you have to “freshen up” before a meeting. You now have the freedom to drink like Franklin Pierce, the only president known more for his drinking habit than his actual presidency.