Beer has always been a great friend to us. Whether it’s the perfect pairing for a delicious pizza, a reprieve from a long day at work, or a shoulder to cry on while having to watch the horror of your favorite football team get destroyed in the last quarter, beer is like the partner that always catches you during the trust-fall exercise.

But beer has some thoughts on your questionable life choices and is searching for some respect. We’ve heard from the wine bottles, and now it’s time for your favorite bottle of brew to tell you how it is – and they’re not afraid to tell you how it is.

Dangers include broken glass and shattered reputations.

Dangers include broken glass and shattered reputations.

The higher the ABV the bigger the ego.

The higher the ABV the bigger the ego.

Sorry, your moment of clarity is in another six pack.

Sorry Mario, your moment of clarity is in another six pack.

“I’ll have a quad-filtered triple IPA lightly warmed with a orange slice on the rim.”

“I’ll have a quad-filtered triple IPA lightly warmed with a orange slice on the rim.”

Never forget the days of keg stands and walking into a midterm still tipsy from the night before.

Never forget the days of keg stands and walking into a midterm still tipsy from the night before.

Perfect for those in search of a desk job, a mortgage, and a midlife crisis.

Perfect for those in seek of a desk job, a mortgage, and a midlife crisis.

Drink if your fantasy team is already bringing you tears at night.

Drink if your fantasy team is already bringing you tears at night.

We know why you really brought this four-pack to the party.

We really know why you brought this four-pack to the party.

The aftermath of too many Chardonnay nights gone terribly wrong.

The aftermath of too many chardonnay nights gone terribly wrong.

No, you don’t want to know the amount of calories in each of these bottles.

No, you don’t want to know the amount of calories in each of these bottles.

For those who don’t like the beer taste of beer.

For those who don’t like the beer taste of beer.

An unfiltered brew looks great with the perfect Instagram filter.

An unfiltered brew looks great with the perfect Instagram filter.

Better get ready for the greatest performance of “Toxic” you’ve ever seen.

Better get ready for the greatest performance of “Toxic” you’ve ever seen.

This bottle deserves more than that glitter bomb with the cheesy Pinterest quote on it.

This bottle deserves more than that glitter bomb with the cheesy Pinterest quote on it.

How could you turn down a bottle with a monkey cartoon on it?

How could you turn down a bottle with a monkey cartoon on it?

The fact that you can buy it at that shady gas station makes you really question the word “craft.”

The fact you can buy it at that shady gas station makes you really question the word “craft.”

Something so new that Brooklyn doesn’t even know about it yet.

Something so new that Brooklyn doesn’t even know about it yet.

Taking dessert to a whole new level.

Taking dessert to a whole new level.

“This beer is SO Fall!”

“This beer is SO Fall!”

Can we say challenge accepted?

Can we say challenge accepted?

Long gone are the days of playing ‘flipcup.’ Buy a pint glass.

Long gone are the days of playing ‘flipcup.’ Buy a pint glass.

Long live the #BrunchBeer.

Long live the #BrunchBeer.

Very craft. Much beer. So art.

Very craft. Much beer. So art.

How else are you going to remember the “Best Picture” winners for the past 50 years?

How else are you going to remember the “Best Picture” winners for the past 50 years?

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

How light can a light beer get before it’s not beer anymore?

How light can a light beer get before it’s not beer anymore?

It’s not binge drinking, it’s a strategy.

It’s not binge drinking, it’s a strategy.