“Vanderpump Rules” has cemented itself as one of the messiest reality TV shows in history. With a seemingly endless slew of scandals (or Scandovals) emerging over the spin-off’s 10 seasons, Lisa Vanderpump and her staff at West Hollywood’s SUR (Sexy Unique Restaurant) have left us wanting for nothing when it comes to entertainment every Wednesday evening for the past decade.
If there’s one thing this cast overachieves at — aside from sabotaging their own lives and the lives of those around them — it’s drinking heavily. While the reality stars may have toned down their drunken escapades since the franchise’s earlier seasons, there are still plenty of stupid decisions being made — especially when Tom Sandoval’s involved. IFKYK. And if you don’t know, we hope rent is cheap beneath the rock you’re living under.
From felony shoplifting to fights over Italian food, here are nine of the most iconic drinking moments from Bravo’s “Vanderpump Rules.”
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That time Stassi drank $600 worth of Jax’s Champagne and dumped cigarette butts in the empty bottles
At the center of Season 1’s drama was the alleged Las Vegas incident where Jax Taylor cheated on then-girlfriend Stassi Schroeder. After hearing the rumor at work, Stassi copes by kicking Jax out of their shared apartment, inviting their friends over, and drinking all of his Champagne — including two very expensive bottles of Cristal. In Stassi’s own intrepid words, “Drinking Jax’s Cristal was a statement, and I think I made my statement clear.”
When Tom Schwartz dumped a whole beer on Stassi at her birthday party…
Schwartz literally poured an entire drink on Stassi’s face. Season 1 of #PumpRules really was that girl 🤭 pic.twitter.com/hy8DSWcA4Q
— Queens of Bravo (@queensofbravo) March 25, 2023
For viewers seeking the wildest drunken moments in VPR history, they need not look any further than Queen Stassi’s birthday parties. At her 24th birthday in Season 1, the crew took a trip to Las Vegas, where Stassi opted to bring new boyfriend and SUR bartender Frank while on a break from ex-boyfriend Jax. That didn’t stop an uninvited Jax from showing up unannounced to the club where Stassi and gang were partying, immediately upsetting the birthday girl and resulting in an argument. When Stassi yells, “You lie about everything, Jax!” it’s Schwartz who replies with a swift “F*ck you, Stassi,” before pouring a full beer over her head — twice. To be fair, Stassi did throw a drink on Schwartz first, but only after he called her a b*tch. Not saying he deserved it, but he definitely deserved it.
…and then the infamous shirtless brawl broke out outside
With all the drinks being hurled back and forth, it seems hard to believe that Stassi’s 24th would go on to be known for anything else. But then, Jax, Frank, and Tom Sandoval break into one of the show’s most iconic moments: a drunken, shirtless brawl right there in the middle of the strip mall parking lot. It’s still difficult to discern why the argument broke out in the first place, and even more unclear why all the men involved ended up bare-chested.
When Schwartz dumped a drink on his own girlfriend
For Stassi’s 25th birthday, the SUR staffers rounded up and headed down to Cabo for a weekend of festivities. On a night out, rounds of shots were purchased for the group, though SUR server Scheana — a SURver if you will — was deliberately excluded thanks to a burgeoning feud with the rest of the girls. Schwartz, who purchased one for Scheana, set his girlfriend Katie off in the process, which led to a screaming match outside the bar culminating in Schwartz dumping an an entire drink over Katie’s head. “I have this relationship all wrong,” Katie told her friends after the incident. “This relationship is f*cked up, man.” The couple went on to marry in 2016 during the show’s fifth season before divorcing in October 2022.
Stassi’s iconic Scheana slam
Stassi once again knocks it out of the park with one of the most quotable scenes in reality TV history — and probably one of the most stunning disses of all time. While serving Stassi and Lisa at SUR in Season 3, Scheana snubs her frenemy and speaks exclusively to The Boss. After 30 seconds of ignoring Stassi and receiving a brief scolding from Lisa, Scheana finally looks at Stassi, who utters, “You know I’m not really sure what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio.”
When Jax and James got wasted on absinthe
While the rest of the SUR staff parties it up at co-founder Guillermo’s birthday party, Jax and James entertain themselves by tossing back shots of absinthe. “You know they say this stuff’s hallucinogenic,” James says to Jax. “I’m freaking out,” Jax responds, “Oh no.” He then goes on to “hallucinate” despite the fact that absinthe absolutely cannot cause any psychoactive effects. “This is some potent sh*t,” Jax states to the camera in a confessional. “I kind of feel like I’m floating out of my chair and I could see God.”
The great Sunglass Hut robbery of Season 4
Just hours before the SUR squad was set to return to Southern California from their Season 4 Hawaiian getaway, Jax downed a few drinks and sauntered into a Sunglass Hut, where he swiped a pair of $300 glasses. After being caught practically immediately, he was arraigned on felony shoplifting charges and his friends were forced to come up with $11,000 to pay his bail. After pleading no contest, he was sentenced to 364 days probation and about $1,500 in fines. In an online statement following the events, Jax admitted, “I had too many drinks, too many Mai Tais.”
When it’s just not about the pasta
During a seemingly low-key brunch, the tide quickly turns when James snaps at Lala for eating all of his girlfriend Raquel’s pasta. After responding telling him to “learn his place,” Lala storms out of the restaurant only for James to follow her out. After a brief apology, James hits Lala with a rant that will live on in infamy: “Why is it always about the damn pasta! Get over the damn pasta!” “It’s not about the pasta! It’s not about the pasta.”