There’s a very short list of activities that are more enjoyable than attending college in Southern California. The radiant sunshine, abundance of manicured lawns, and proximity to both the beach and the snow make SoCal the ideal place to spend four years obtaining a degree while sipping on an alcoholic beverage. Chances are, if you went to school in SoCal you were drinking something on this list at one time, probably while you were tanning. In February. But I digress…
1. Captain Morgan
Because what else would you drink while participating in a California pirate party? You know what else makes a pirate party perfect? A waterslide, which you can have any time of year if you’re going to college in the right part of California.
2. Pomona Queen
Shoutout to my fellow Claremont Colleges alumni. Pomona Queen is an amber lager made at Dale Bros Brewery. It’s also the name of a psychological thriller I now want to read.
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Every school has a somewhat proprietary claim on a low-quality mass-produced beer. In Southern California, that beer would be Keystone. Specifically, Keystone Light, an alcoholic punishment if there ever was one. I do not understand how Keystone manages to sell their beer to anyone besides masochistic students in SoCal.
4. Two Buck Chuck
With an abundance of Trader Joe’s establishments peppered throughout the superior portion of California, Two Buck Chuck (aka Charles Shaw wine), is the natural choice for students wishing to maintain an air of classiness. It’s also perfect for toga parties, where togas complement the typical attractiveness of a SoCal student.
5. Mike’s Hard Lemonade
There’s nothing like settling down by your school’s pool (or even in the kiddie pool you set up by your dorm) with a textbook in one hand and a Hard Lemmy in the other. This irresponsibly sweet premixed cocktail was created as a study incentive on Sunday morning.
6. Beer You Made In Your Dorm Room
You know who you are. Since San Diego is known to be the best drinking town, and the rest of Southern California is filled with great beer as well, it’s no wonder SoCal students (what with our intelligence and resourcefulness) would want to dream up their own brews, as well.
7. Four Loko
Protip: you can also use Four Loko to burn through large quantities of steel and other hard metals. I actually just made that up, but that’s what Four Loko tastes like. Cleaning solution mixed with sugar and bad decisions. I suppose the Four Loko of my day (which was packed with caffeine) no longer exists. But I hope somewhere, some student is carrying on the tradition of consuming toxic tasting liquor mixed with something that makes you hyper enough to party after banging out an elaborate analytical essay about something of great importance. Long live Loko.
Occasionally, SoCal students will leave their warm beds to camp at one of the many gorgeous nature-y spots around. Camping overnight can sometimes get chilly. Not cold, but chilly. However, what little frost one will experience can easily be quelled with a shot of Fireball. Drink up.
9. Sake Bombs
Another great thing about SoCal is how many cheap sushi bars we have. With cheap sushi bars comes cheap sake bombs (a shot of sake poured into a glass of beer). Sake bombs are usually consumed for special occasions, like birthdays or breakups.
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