Since there’s a team of lawyers standing directly behind us, we should note that none of this is recommended as some way of avoiding proper medical attention. Booze, no matter its medicinal history, is alcohol—not quite in line with the intentions of general health. So take none of this as medical advice.
All of that said, and many documents signed, certain kinds of alcohol can have a (semi) helpful effect for certain ailments. Not just straight swill—moonshine does no good for nobody—but sometimes cocktails, and the ingredients in them might help just a little bit, respect style, with your aches and pains. Red wine—the cure-all for pretty much every illness but werewoflism—isn’t here, because there’s already enough (contentious) medical advice about red wine. We’re sticking to booze and beer. Healthy, right?
*The detrimental effects of alcohol kick in pretty quickly. Moderation or bust.
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A Bad Cough – GIN
The juniper berry is actually the only must-have in gin, and it just so happens to pack a lot of medicinal punch. Among their many properties, juniper berries can soothe a sore throat or a cough.
Malaria – GIN & TONIC
Chances are you don’t have malaria. But the quinine in a G&T is actually anti-malarial.
Headache – SPICY MARGARITA
This one has to be dosed with cayenne, since cayenne has an ability to dull the neurotransmitter that sends pain signals to your brain. Also, since you have a headache, you’ll need a TON of hydration as well. Don’t just drink the drink—have water on the side. Lots of it.
Stomach Ache – BEER
Most of the evidence here is anecdotal, but it seems that (for some) beer can actually help ease stomach pains. Not taken in quantity, and definitely not shot-gunned. But a low alcohol beer (since alcohol will only aggravate the stomach) might just quell the queasies.
Aches and Pains – WHISKEY
Turns out beyond being the stuff of outmatched bar fights, whiskey can help with aches and pains. Admittedly, according to a 1941 experiment (from Cornell, so, yeah…) two ounces of whiskey can increase the threshold for pain for two hours. Then again, that also means on just two ounces of whiskey, you may not notice how much that dude’s uppercut busted your jaw.
Congestion – WHISKEY
Yeah, is there nothing it can’t do? Whiskey purportedly can help with congestion, which is why you’ll find so many hot toddy remedies around this winter(ish) season. But it only helps if you drink it in moderation. Otherwise, you wake up with a hangover and a runny nose, and nobody wants to talk to you.
Sleeping Problems – BEER
Hops have been used, and abused, as a sleep remedy for a pretty long time. Our recommendation (or so we heard)—wash your pillowcase in beer. But if you have a hop-heavy beer a couple of hours before bed (or take a hops supplement), you may be ready to sleep sooner than you’d think.