He’s cute. He’s cuddly. He’s a strong, sexy man who’s macho enough to post pictures of his puppies on Instagram, voice an insecure demigod in a Disney movie, and play someone named Dr. Smolder in Jumanji. He’s also, as it turns out, a beer nerd.
Yes, dreams do come true; according to a tweet from the Bissell Brothers, the Rock can smell what they’re brewing, and likes it so much he sent an assistant on a private jet to retrieve it.
Bissell Brothers, a top Portland, Maine brewery known for its hazy, tropically hoppy mimosa beers, tweeted on Wednesday that someone claiming to be the Rock’s assistant (don’t worry, they showed “credentials,” which we imagine was a laminated photo of the Rock’s face on a WWE-branded lanyard) showed up at the brewery demanding Substance Ale, Bissell’s flagship IPA (which, take note, they refer to simply as an “ale,” because they are just that cool).
An assistant for @TheRock just showed up, he took a private jet here to pick up Substance cans. Got shown some credentials… either we just got massively played or THAT IS AWESOME!! pic.twitter.com/IP3Nr4fYpL
— Bissell Brothers (@BissellBrosBrew) December 20, 2017
It would appear he got away with three cases of Substance, plus a fourth case of Swish, a double IPA. In another tweet, Bissell brothers added that the Swish was a gift from the brewery. “The rep was firm that ‘Mr. Johnson was just here for The Substance Ale,’” Bissell Brothers said.
Why would the Rock jones so hard for Substance? It makes perfect sense. Substance isn’t like other beers; it’s the kind of beer that transcends an ordinary ale. The kind that, when you meet it, makes your eyes go wide and your palate go Pavlovian. The kind that aroma hop-addicted beer nerds will wait hours in line for at the brewery, unless, you know, you tell them the Rock sent you.
As Bissell alludes to in their tweet, either someone thought of a really good way to cut the line for their freshies, or the brewery just had a really good day. In either case, we’re going to go with “awesome.”
Also, Dwayne Johnson, will you marry me?