Scandal Internal

The one thing that I’ve figured out about Scandal is that they like to keep you on your toes. One week they’re going around killing each other, the next week they’re toasting all their nefarious machinations and planning the next ones, dropping back wine like it’s going out of style.

This week is another one where the majority of the drinking happens offscreen.  We open with that pesky media closing in on Cyrus, who opens the door to the throng (“all press is good press”). He’s about to go down for the murder of Frankie Vargas. I personally could care less: I don’t have a whit of sympathy for the devious subversive, but if this is the starting point, you can be sure we’ll find out something we don’t know. Can Cyrus be innocent?

Huck especially needs a drink while watching Quinn and Charlie make googly eyes at each other, in a thin subplot where she’s gotten over her fears of marriage, or fears of marriage to a fellow psychopath (opposites not attracting in this case).

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A tense meeting between Olivia and Cyrus ends on a hopeful note. “When this is all over let’s grab a glass of Dubbonet,” Liv tells Cyrus.

s3 #3 dubbonet
He probably went home and put the bottle in the fridge — even though he’s insulted (or acting insulted) that Liv didn’t believe he would be a good candidate. I’m not sure why Liv’s surprised, but maybe she just wants, or needs, a glass of wine.

Maybe the reason I don’t find Cyrus a compelling character is that we never really see him letting loose. I mean, he just finds out that Tom — hunky, secret service Tom who killed the president’s son, Tom — is back in town and threatening to reveal his and Cyrus’ involvement in the murder. And all the Big C does is grab a bottle of… water?

s3 #4 water
No, his water bottles must be filled with something else out of respect for his daughter (yeah, remember her? The adopted one he doesn’t pay any attention to?).

Can we take a time out for a minute to comment on Cyrus for a second? I mean, I know he’s powerful and all — or trying to be — but how the hell does he get all these hot guys — smokin hot guys — to fall for him?

I mean, come on here:

s3 #5 michael b too sexy

And… really?

s3 #6 I'm too sexy tom

Tom AND Michael? They must be totally inebriated. On power, I guess.

Flashback to Tom’s involvement: Cy invites Tom up to his hotel room for a celebratory drink.

s3 #7 this drink's not gonna

Oh yeah, wait, I forgot to mention this whole Frankie subplot where he was too close with the videographer, the one who got blown up in the cabin? Cyrus is worried she’ll derail the campaign. So Tom volunteers to neutralize her. Cy lets Tom do what he must.

The drinks will wait. Then Frankie finds out what Cyrus had done and that’s why he boots him from the campaign. Cyrus tells Tom not to kill Frankie, but it must be opposite day because Tom thinks that means to kill Frankie, Because he lurvvves Cyrus and wants him to be president (I don’t understand why Cy doesn’t love Tom back. They’re so similar!).

Mellie hears that Cyrus is going down.

s3 #9 can we drink yet

She’s so so so ready to celebrate. Liz wants to, Mellie wants to; they’ve gotta be somewhere offscreen drinking up a storm.

Even though it looks like Cyrus has been up all night drinking, and is about to go the slammer for the murder of Frankie Vargas (and possibly the videographer), Michael vows to stay with him. Why, why, why?

s3 #10 i'm just off a bender

Cyrus might have caught Tom in a wiretap admitting that Cyrus didn’t ask him to kill Frankie, but at this point, I tell you, I don’t care much. I want Tom to kill Cyrus, I want Michael to leave Thomas and take his daughter, and I even want Mellie to be president. At least we can get some good, clean drinking onscreen.

Next week, my friends!