There are many perks to the life of an advertising exec, just ask Don Draper. However, there are also many reasons to pull your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs while you’ve been muted on a client call.
Even though work is always non-stop chaos, there’s always time to touch base with a bottle of wine. That’s why we’re here to flesh out all of the drinks you need to make it through another status meeting.
You Are Pulling Another All Nighter – Cabernet Sauvignon
We thought the whole point of graduating college was to never experience another one of these moments again. Except unlike the college lifestyle you used to live, it’s no longer acceptable to shotgun a beer while you study for your final exams, depending on what agency you work for. Now it’s all client emails, logging hours, and a big bottle of Cabernet for the rest of the evening.
You Actually Get To Leave On Time – Sauvignon Blanc
Did hell just freeze over? Who would have thought you would get the opportunity to receive some Vitamin D? You’re walking out of the office and the sun is still out. We’re celebrating here with a light Sauvignon Blanc to match that extra pep in your step as you make your way downtown. It’s true, anything can happen.
“Let’s Ideate This…” – Syrah
What the hell does this even mean? Your boss keeps the buzzwords coming and you keep getting more and more disinterested. A strong Syrah is perfect for when you question the R.O.I. of your career choices, if you know what we’re saying.
You’re Told To think More Outside The Box – A box of your choice
Turns out your boss needs to save the clichés for your client meetings, please, and thank you. Maybe when the clients become less ridiculous and we all stop working 70 hours a week you’ll have the chance to sit and ~think~ outside the box. Until then, you should think inside the box of this seemingly endless box of wine.
The Client Loves Your Pitch But Asks If The Campaign Can Be Done For Half Price – Bordeaux
Do these clients seriously think this is a game? Not only does your agency have standards but you all have some hefty student loans to pay. Sorry client, but those rates are just like a Bordeaux — refined and not up for debate. Maybe they could try Sears?
You Have To Get On Another Status Call With The Client – Pinot Noir
Sure, it’s no problem to gather EVERYBODY into a conference room so your team can update the client with information that could easily be sent in an email. Might as well share the love with this Pinot Noir because making everyone stop what they’re doing makes total sense.
Your Client Is THE WORST – Zinfandel
God save those who handle the clients from hell. You know, the ones that have an opinion about every character, color, and concept, calling you at all hours of the day and requesting changes, only to revert back to your original concept after making you enact their horrible ideas. You guys are the true heroes. Pour a decadent Zinfandel out for your hardships.
Someone Utters The Phrase “No One Has Ever Been Fired For Advertising In The New York Times.” – White Zinfandel
*Major eye roll.* Well isn’t this absolutely groundbreaking. Forget being innovative or creative, let’s take the easy way out and water down all of your team’s hard work. That’s how you get sh*t done. While you’re at it, why don’t you just make the creative team use Helvetica for everything and only drink White Zinfandel like we did in the 80’s. *Bigger eye roll*
The Rounds Of Edits Seem Never Ending – Burgundy
If you had a dollar for every time a client has asked for changes, you could quit your job, move to Hawaii and drink Burgundy every night. Whether it’s a color, adjective, or even just a singular line — ‘the client is always right’ does not always apply here. And no, the fugly logo cannot get any larger.
You Have To Go To Another Brainstorm Session – Merlot
Don’t you just love those big, blocky invites on your Google Calendar that are just to come up with more ideas to work on. Obviously, new ideas are important but how about the team works on the already extensive stack of projects waiting for everybody back at their desks? It’s piling up so high you can’t even see the single window inside this cubicle prison. Thankfully, nobody can see you drinking this Merlot in your coffee cup either.
The Client Somehow Got Your Cell Number And Is Calling You On The Weekend – Prosecco
This is borderline harassment. It’s Sunday morning, we’re about to all go out to brunch making fools of ourselves over some Prosecco and overpriced eggs and the last thing we need is a call from the client who just can’t wait until Monday morning. Well guess what, it’s the weekend and we’re changing our numbers. Bye, Felicia.
The Client Requests Changes On A Friday Night When You Are Already Out With Friends – Chianti
The fact that a client would dare call on a Friday night for random changes is ridiculous in itself and should be illegal across the world. When it comes down to it, no client really needs changes on a Friday evening, especially when you’ve been out to eat having an amazing time with your best pals. Go for another heavy pour of Chianti with you dinner as you somehow manage not to go apeshit.
The Creatives Are Drinking Again Because They Claim It Helps Them Think – Sangria
Those silly bitches need to stop lying to themselves because everybody in the office knows their routine of drinking Sangria in the afternoon to “get creative” is a load of bullsh*t. Drinking does not improve productivity, it only increases music volumes and the chances of ridiculous things ending up in your coworker Facebook group message. Sorry to break it to the creative staff, if you can’t happy hour, NOBODY CAN.
The Creatives Are Drunk – Chardonnay
This is why we can’t have nice things. Instead of good brainstorming and hard work, all you have now is a bunch of sloppy sketches and Woo-Girls running around the damn office. Good to know that those drafts won’t make it to your desk until their hangovers finish up tomorrow afternoon. Might as well snatch some Chardonnay and join the fun.
You’re Told To Fully Revise The Deck – Rosé
It’s fine, you didn’t spend days without sleep to craft this perfect deck. It’s no problem at all. You’re just going to get sloshed with the rosé-fueled creatives and get back on that deck when the time is right.
Waiting For Client Approval…again – Tempranillo
You know, the clients that make you say, “Please move at a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me.” Don’t worry, our eyes can’t roll any harder. It will be hours before you get to leave the office because the client has “more important” things to worry about, so take the time to pop open that Tempranillo you got in a gift basket last year to pass the time.
The Creatives and The Client Are On Completely Different Pages – Pinot Grigio
There is no better moment than seeing a creative staff react to a client asking, “But what if we use Papyrus?” Their faces tense up, blood boils, and nothing can save this contract now. For the next few weeks, you can definitely expect angry email chains and screaming coming from the creative floor. Reach for your favorite Pinot Grigio because these relationships are about to go sour. It’s like Romeo & Juliet without the love but with all of the conflict. Again, we CANNOT make the logo any bigger.
Having To Go To A Meeting At The Client’s Office – Sauternes
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but nobody here gets paid enough to schlep all the way out to your office across the city for a 17-minute client chat we could have had on a conference call. Better yet, this was something we could go over in an email. You better pack a small bottle of Sauternes for the cab ride because you’re going to need whatever sweetness you can get to deal with this meeting.
Being Told Your Agency Really Focuses On Culture – Free Office Red Wine
While there are definitely perks to embracing office culture, it can really make you question how much effort it can take to become friends with the buffoons you’re surrounded by. Sure the free wine and other perks are pretty swell, but do you really have to bring Larry with you to lunch?
People In Your Open Office Won’t Shut Up When You’re On A Client Call – Wine in a Can
This is a workplace not a fraternity house. Take the basketball shooting, sh*t talking, just plain annoying shenanigans outside so you and the people ACTUALLY doing their jobs can get their work done while the rest of them make fools of themselves. When the client goes on a long tangent, take the time to mute your phone, knock back this can of wine, and use it as a projectile to get them to shut up.
It’s The Day When The Worst Person In The Office Gets To Choose The Music – Rioja
It’s bad enough that you have to listen to Jared’s dubstep on Tuesday and Jenna’s trap music on Wednesday. Get your game face on with a spicy Rioja since it’s Thursday and this has gone too far because SERIOUSLY BEN, THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE FOR YOUR COUNTRY MUSIC. TURN THAT SH*T OFF.
You Have To Fill Out ANOTHER Form For HR – Riesling
The only people who could figure out how to make you sign your life away 3,328 times is the Human Resources department. Thankfully, they’re at your desk ready to make you sign another form in accordance with new company policy. Good thing that form says nothing about enjoying a swig or two of a deliciously sweet Riesling. How does it feel to be so #Blessed?
You’re Told You Need To Block Out A Day For Another HR/Tech/Payment System Training, Meaning You’ll Be Doing Your Actual Work Until 2AM – Red Bull & Tears
Oh, so the already impossible timesheet system is getting even more advanced/horrendous. Now all of those new client proposals will replace the time booked for sleeping on your Google Calendar. This is fine.
The Client Is Complaining Again – Chenin Blanc
There is nothing worse than bending over backwards for your client and doing everything you can to try and make them happy. Sadly, this client still doesn’t care what market research you’ve done and the super-cute tagline your team spent hours developing. Snatch your corkscrew and go on a tropical tastebud getaway because even through it all, you’ve earned it.
The Client Fires Your Agency – Tequila
This is bad. Like running up to the door of the wine shop only to find out that it closed five minutes early kind of bad. Your boss is going to be so pissed and you should prepare for the worst when walking into the building tomorrow. Thankfully, that’s what tequila and your office bff’s are for.
You Win New Business – Champagne
It’s not easy being a superhero, but thankfully you make it look that way as you reel in those fresh clients. Hope you’ve been practicing your sabering because it’s time to jump on your desk and pop some Champagne to celebrate. Enjoy it now, because come tomorrow the stress and workload that comes with new blood will finally set in.
