This week, Jake goes out with writer, producer, and comedian Rose Kelso, a.k.a. @LongIslandDirt_. The two discuss why high schoolers party so hard on Long Island, how morning people are secretly lazy, and urinal etiquette.

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Jake Cornell: I’m so happy to have you on the show. This is one of my favorite kinds of episodes because we’ve never met before and so I get to really just start square one and we’ll work our way up.

Rose Kelso: I know. This is exciting. Thank you for having me.

J: Yes. Thank you for being here. So, Long Island Dirt.

R: Yes.

J: I’m assuming that means you are from Long Island.

R: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: Okay. Gorgeous. What part of Long Island are you from?

R: Stony Brook, North Shore.

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. So I have friends, one of my best friends from college is from Sea Cliff and then we’ve had a few Long Islanders on the podcast overall and I’m always very envious because this is a show about going out, and whenever I talk to the Long Island guests, it sounds like their high school experiences were fun.

R: That’s so true.

J: Going to high school on Long Island sounds really fun.

R: It is. That’s probably, that’s what you go to Long Island for.

J: Just like if you’re living in Manhattan and you’re like, “I want my kid to rage in high school. Let’s go raise them on Long Island.”

R: Yeah, you got to raise them in the f*cking worst parts of Long Island too, but it’s so true. I love that, that’s the unifying thing for all of the Long Island guests, because that’s probably the only good part about it.

J: We had Carly Aquilino on and she was like, “When I was 16, I was going to bars with a fake ID that said I was 28.”

R: Yeah, and they’re not checking it anyway. They’re like, “Come in, get up.”

J: I know. I went out in Sea Cliff with Natalie once and we were at this bar that was this weird dive bar. And I was like, “Is this also the Chamber of Commerce?” There’s community meetings happening. This is kind of wild.

R: Yeah, yeah, no it’s f*cked up.

J: So did you like growing up on Long Island?

R: I did and I didn’t. It’s a hellish place. I mean, that’s kind of why I’ve made it into my whole persona online because it’s trash for a reason. People hear Long Island and they cringe and it makes sense why. So it was great because when you’re a kid, especially the area I grew up in, it’s so natural and you’re riding your bike to school and then you’re getting f*cked up when you’re too young.

J: Yeah, getting f*cked up.

R: Yeah. It’s like a heaven but then at the same time, the adults, and this is, I think, kind of a universal experience for Long Island people, you grow up around f*cked up people. I don’t know how to explain it. Everyone’s f*cked. It’s so weird.

J: That’s so interesting. It is interesting because when you think about Long Island, it’s so close to New York so there’s… I don’t know. It’s interesting because I’m from Vermont. I’m from a more rural part of Vermont.

R: What’s the town name?

J: Well, I moved a couple times all within the same school district, but I guess I’m usually saying I’m from Shrewsbury, but it’s all these small towns that are south of Rutland, which if you don’t know Rutland, which is the city that would be nearest me. City, it’s literally still a small town. But when I go back, it’s funny because when I go back to Rutland it’s, you see the same people. Oh was it tech? Did you hear that? Was that my phone? It was so loud. Not me pulling up my phone to your TikTok being open.

R: Okay, honored.

J: Me doing pre-episode research. Okay. No, but I’m also then, my phone recently. I’ve been pulling it out a lot and it’s open and I’m like, “What have I done?”

R: Oh no.

J: “Who have I pocket texted? Who have I pocket emailed?”

R: That’s terrifying.

J: Constant living fear. But I was going to say, when I go back to my hometown, there’s so many people who have been there forever and there’s a very, it’s entrenched culture of Rutland and that area that is very specific and it makes sense too that it would be specific because it’s in the middle of f*cking nowhere. Do you know what I mean?

R: Yes.

J: And there’s socioeconomic reasons that keep people there. It’s interesting to me, somewhere like Long Island where it’s like, you can constantly go to the city. You could get out a little bit more, I think, because just by proximity and yet…

R: Yeah, yeah, there’s a whole towny thing. Yeah.

J: Yes.

R: Yeah. Well, I mean it’s kind of the proximity to the city for real Long Island diehards doesn’t matter. You may as well be in Vermont or as far away.

J: That’s so interesting.

R: Yeah. The city growing up was always like, “Oh you would go there on a really special occasion to see a Broadway show or to the M&M store.”

J: What are we looking at for you to get from your hometown to the city? Two hours? Hour and a half?

R: Yeah, it was two hours, about.

J: Two hours. Okay. So it’s not like pop right over.

R: Yeah. No. It was a day trip, for sure.

J: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. When did you start partying?

R: Partying? I mean your friend from Sea Cliff had it a little different. The group that I grew up with, no one really had a fake. Oh my God, there was a weird f*cking club called Silk that targeted 14 year olds.

J: Oh my God.

R: And they were like, “Come to this club.” And it was in the middle of Long Island, which is a f*cked up part of Long Island.

J: The part of Long Island that doesn’t get beaches.

R: Yeah. Yes. Yes, exactly. No, imagine no access to beaches, you’re landlocked on Long Island. The one good thing Long Island has is water, I guess. So it’s like, yeah, it’s really bad. So that wasn’t really popular, but I guess we were drinking when we were 14 and smoking weed and sneaking out but yeah, so probably that young.

J: And then when did you start going out from just partying with your teen friends to actually going out to places? And where’d you go to college?


J: Oh, okay. So then you were in the city?

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: Was that a crazy transition going out once you got to the city?

R: Yes. That was really different. I mean coming to the city when I was 18, that’s kind of the first time I was going out to clubs and bars and learning things like that.

J: NYU is interesting because I feel like I talk to different people that I know from who went there just from being a comedian. People are like, “I went to NYU to be a doctor,” I’m like, “Really? How is that possible? I know 400 comedians.” I just don’t understand how anyone studied science there.

R: There’s no way.

J: But it just sounds like it’s a place where it’s like you can really have a lot of different experiences. I know people who are like, “Oh, freshman and sophomore year of NYU, I didn’t leave the dorms. I was very dorm.” And then I feel like I hear people that will say, “Oh, freshman year, I was the general manager of Le Bain.” And I’m like, “Yeah.”

R: That’s so true. That’s really funny.

J: They’re like, “I was doing bottle service. I never went to class. I was also a stripper.” Okay.

R: Oh f*ck.

J: Where did you land on that spectrum?

R: I’d say, actually I was going to say somewhere in between, but I definitely think it was more, freshman year, I was very in, and I’m a very extroverted person, but coming to NYU, I-

J: And when you mean in, you mean staying in the dorms?

R: Yeah, staying in the dorm. I think it was really overwhelming for me. One thing-

J: Yeah, I can’t f*cking imagine.

R: Where did you go to school?

J: UVM in Burlington.

R: Okay. Yeah and that’s a fun school.

J: If you’re straight.

R: Yeah. That’s really true. Yeah, rough. I know. Yeah, you have-

J: They would be like, “Let’s go to the frats.” And I was like, “Yeah.”

R: Yeah. That’s so f*cked. Yeah, it’s just NYU, they like to flex a lot that they were like, “Oh, the city is your campus.” But when you’re a child, an 18-year-old child, and you’re like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t wanna.”

J: I can’t imagine.

R: Yeah. It felt like you were growing up really fast. So I was kind of inside my dorm just trying to get my grounding and then sophomore year was when it was like-

J: Let’s go.

R: Let’s go. Yeah.

J: Totally. And what sort of going out did you do in college, in New York?

R: Oh, there were so many bars at the time. You know 212 Hisae’s?

J: What?

R: That’s like-

J: 212 Hisae.

R: Hisae, yeah. H-I-S-A-E. My God, it’s on 2nd and 9th Street. Most of the bars that you would go out to, I would say, were East Village.

J: Right, right, right.

R: First Ave., Second Ave.

J: I feel like there are those bars that get kind of written off as the NYU bars, like The 13th Step. and-

R: Durden’s.

J: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

R: Which I don’t even think exists anymore.

J: No, but I know what you’re… It was here when I first moved. Because I’ve been here eight years. How old are you?

R: 25.

J: Okay, so-

R: Had to think about it.

J: When you were a freshman, that was when I moved here because I moved here in 2014.

R: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: So that tracks. I truly can’t imagine what it was like going… I guess it’s funny because when I meet people who went to college in New York, not just NYU, but Barnard, any of the schools, I feel like there’s two camps where people went to NYU and then by the time they’re early 20s, they’re weirdly more adjusted to the city than the people who just moved here after college like I did. And then there’s the ones who I feel like I met so many people who are like, “I f*cking hate the city. I need to get out.” I think college completely soured them on it.

R: Yes. Oh my God. So most of the people I know from NYU moved to L.A. because they were like, “I’m sick of this.”

J: That’s so funny. Yeah. But you, at the end you were like, “I love this.”

R: Yeah. I love it and also you can tell me if I’m wrong about this, but I feel like New York is still very much like this is where you do comedy.

J: Yeah. It’s hard for me to say whether or not that’s true because it’s the only place I’ve done it. I’ve gone to L.A. to do shows, but I haven’t… I moved to New York, fresh out of college to come here to do comedy and I’m still here eight years later so it’s not like I can be… But I feel like I will say, and if this offends anyone listening, I’m truly sorry, I feel like I see a lot of people over the years who have… This f*cking dog.

R: Put it down. I’ll put that f*cking dog down. No, it’s cute. Joking. Sorry.

J: I remember, I feel like there was this period a year or two before the pandemic where I feel like there were a lot of people I had known because at that point in New York I had been here five years. I was starting to know a lot of people who had been… They were hitting the five-year mark of doing comedy in New York and they were like, “You know what? I’ve maxed it out. I’m going to L.A.” And then they would go to L.A. and be like, “Oh f*ck.” You know what I mean?

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: And I think it’s like, I do think that there’s more stuff here and there’s more spaces and I think, especially when you’re trying to get started, it’s like so much of it is the spontaneity of meeting people and stuff and I think from what I hear, L.A. doesn’t really have that.

R: Yeah. No, my friends who live in L.A. who do comedy, I mean, they’re having a good time and they’re making it work but I feel like because the industry is so there and everyone’s trying to be a writer on TV, and that kind of possibility is there, it’s almost like here it can live and breathe as, “Oh you get a corporate job and then do their video creation.”

J: Totally, and it’s also, I feel like everyone I know in L.A. who’s, when I look at their Instagram, looks like they’re just having fun, chilling at shows, doing comedy, they’re also series regulars on shows. They’re very established in the industry in another way and so they have that freedom a little bit.

R: Oh f*ck, maybe it’s better. It sounds like a better gig.

J: I like it. So the thing is it’s like we are having fun, they have insurance.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pick one.

J: Pick one because you can’t have both. You actually literally can’t have both.

R: You literally can’t have both.

J: Were you doing comedy at NYU or did you start after?

R: This is a great question.

J: Oh wow, thank you.

R: It really is. No, you’re actually such a good interviewer. I just feel like I’m having a conversation.

J: That’s my job.

R: Yeah, go off. I mean, I was doing comedy all the time in high school. Then for some reason I came to NYU and I developed shame, which I never had.

J: That’s so tough.

R: It was really weird. I was afraid to get up in front of people. I didn’t want to audition for anything. I have no idea where it came from because I wasn’t really intimidated by other people. I was like, “These are my peers and we could be having fun,” but I was just like, “I don’t want to do this.”

J: I actually kind of relate to that where I felt like hot sh*t when I was in… But mine’s more my college going into New York where, when I was in college I felt like hot sh*t. I was like, “I’m f*cking funny. I’ll go up and do anything.” Me and my friends would put on shows and then I got to New York and I think what it was for me was, I was like, “These are the people that are here to do it and also I’m planning to be here indefinitely so if I bomb, or if someone develops an opinion of me not being funny, I’m stuck with that.” Whereas I could do whatever I wanted in Burlington and at year four I was like, “Eat sh*t. Bye.” If you know what I mean?

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: I think that was it. It was like suddenly I had a permanent record.

R: Holy sh*t. That’s actually exactly how I feel. It was like there was accountability to your reputation.

J: Yes. And it is. And that is what truly, the hardest thing about getting into comedy is you do have to manage this thing of, by nature of getting good, you have to be bad, but if you’re too bad, you develop a reputation for being bad and then how do you overcome that? It’s truly this catch-22 and I think I’m still dealing with it. It probably never goes away to an extent.

R: Yeah, I think so too. Even though, I mean, sometimes you don’t get a response from the audience and you’re like, “Okay, whatever, I’ll move on from that.” But a bomb is like, “I got to quit. F*ck, I’m done.” I should have gone into actuarial science or something.

J: What did you study at NYU?

R: Film.

J: Oh, okay.

R: I’m really NYU vermin.

J: You are like I have no skills.

R: Yes. Actually though, I was like, “It’s this or nothing.”

J: Yeah. It’s not good. I know what you mean. Did you ever work in the service industry?

R: No. I worked as a cashier at a health food store.

J: Not a Whole Foods?

R: Not a Whole Foods.

J: Were you at Organic Avenue?

R: No, it was called Wild by Nature.

J: Where is that?

R: That was on Long Island.

J: Oh.

R: Long Island plug. It was when I was younger.

J: Okay, so how do you go out now? What’s going out look like for you now?

R: Going out like partying kind of thing?

J: Anything, like restaurants, partying. Are you exclusively just going to comedy shows? What’s your life?

R: Okay, well I feel like it’s a mix. It’s a mix. It’s funny because I have recently tried to figure out how to strike a balance with not over-saying yes to things, but I feel like I go out every f*cking night. You know?

J: I know.

R: Yeah, same. It’s like I have a friend who’s doing a comedy show and I got to support them and then usually a night out in New York is Friday someone is DJing at Elsewhere. And so that’s where we go and then everyone wants to go to Mad Tropical. And then all of a sudden it’s 5 a.m.

J: Yeah. You’re in that phase where it’s like you can, and because you also have the energy level where you can be like, oops, 5 a.m.

R: Yeah, when does that change for you?

J: So I think I had an atypical trajectory because I was bartending for the first-. Until last September, I was bartending and I was bartending in college too. It’s 10 years in total. And so when I was bartending, when I first moved to New York and was first doing it, I would work and then go out and be out till 4 or 5 and then wake up and then you have to sleep until noon, 2, and then you’d be back at work at 4 and it got very depressing very fast.

R: Yes, I can’t do that.

J: And I am, I think, naturally a morning person so then I kind of pivoted away from that hard, and intentionally worked at a restaurant for a long time that didn’t have a going out culture. So then I would only go out with my comedy friends and I was friends with… If you listen to this, not, not cool, I don’t like you, not cool like we weren’t the kind to go to the clubs. We were sitting around at a bar and talking and hanging out and doing that sort of vibe. So I wasn’t doing the club moment until I left restaurants and then I started making some new friends in the comedy scene also because I used to be at UCB and that closed and I was making a new friend group in the comedy world and they were the club types. So then all of 2021 was me sort of having my club renaissance of your 5 a.m.’s, your being in the clubs, showing up to clubs at 2 in the morning. And then I think January 2022, I was like, “And we are good.”

R: We’re done.

J: We’ve sort of capped out.

R: A club renaissance is such a beautiful time, though.

J: It actually truly was a beautiful time. I really, really am glad I did it. And because now I also feel like I have enough of a sense, because to me that felt like this space in New York that was kind of blocked off for me. I didn’t know what the clubs were called. I didn’t know what the parties were called. I didn’t know what any of that was called. I had no language for it. So people would be like, “We went to this and this,” and I was like… Because also every single party and club in New York is named Skit Fart, just the names of these parties are so crazy and these clubs are so crazy. Someone will literally be like, “I was at the Fire Exit for snort,” and I’m like, “Okay, great.”

R: That sounds like hell.

J: I have no idea. But now I can speak the language a little bit and so now, every once in a while, if someone’s like, do you want to do this? I’m like, “Yes or no.” You know what I mean? So it was a beautiful time, but I think it ended for me when I also got busier with work. So then it was like-

R: Yeah, that’s healthy. That’s such a healthy reason. That’s really good. That’s maturing in a beautiful way.

J: But I also think it just depends. I have friends who are, I would say, just as mature as me in some ways but they’re true night animals. They are happy sleeping in the mornings, waking up late morning, early afternoon and then being out all night and I genuinely mean this, I think they’re fine and happy. And I do sort of need to be up in the mornings.

R: Yeah. Yeah. I can’t really do that. That was my issue too. I’m similar to that. I have so many friends who have… They’re resilient and I get rundown so quick which is so, I feel like 80 years old in this body. It’s so sad. But yeah.

J: It’s not even about feeling run down physically necessarily because I actually don’t require that much sleep. I’m kind of pretty flexible with that.

R: Oh my God.

J: I’m pretty lucky.

R: That’s crazy.

J: My friends who are like, I need eight or I die, I can really hang on six. We’re good. But it’s more like, I feel like my mental health would take a hard turn if I miss two mornings in a row of sleeping. I’m like, “Ooh, depression.” A little bit of depression comes in.

R: Wow, that’s so poetic of you, actually. You need the morning sun.

J: It is though. Do you know what it is? I think sometimes get this misconception of me thinking I’m really productive or whatever because I’m a morning person but it’s actually quite literally the opposite, which is, I don’t know that I’ve ever realized this until this moment, but this is true, the earlier you get up and ready for the day, the more time in the day you have afforded yourself to not do anything.

R: That’s so true.

J: Do you know what I mean? Any given day, let’s say you have three things to do. If you sleep until noon, now you have until 6 to get them done because I also don’t like working at night. It’s triggering to homework or something. But if I get up at 7 I don’t have to feel like I can… I can sit. I can watch Hulu for a little bit. I can drink coffee. I can do whatever and then it’ll get done eventually. The earlier you get up, the more time you have to be awake and lazy.

R: So you’re waking up at 7?

J: Aside from having to get up really earlier for a flight recently, I can’t tell you the last time I woke up from an alarm but I naturally probably wake up at 7:30.

R: Oh my God.

J: That’s my natural time.

R: Oh my God. I got to start doing that. I literally just came here from Penn Station because I was visiting my mom, which is why I have bags on bags. And she goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 6, which is what I’ve been doing for the past weekend.

J: How did that feel for you?

R: Incredible. I feel like a person.

J: I can’t go to bed at 9. I have too much of “What’s everyone doing?” brain. But I could go to bed at 11 and wake up at 6 and that would be fine for me.

R: Okay. Yeah, I think I have to start doing that.

J: What time do you normally go to bed now in New York?

R: I try to go to bed by midnight, but most of the time, sometimes I’m so addicted to my phone, it’s terrible, and I’ll go to bed at 2 and I have blue light frying my brain.

J: The guy on TikTok said “Hold on!”

R: Yeah, “You’ve been scrolling for way too long!”

J: Shut the f*ck up!

R: Yeah, that’s always my issue. And then yeah, so sometimes it’ll be 2 a.m. and then I feel like garbage the next day. It’s awful. It’s a terrible cycle.

J: Yeah. It’s tough. So are you a restaurant person at all? Are you going to restaurants? Are you eating out? Are you more like you like to eat at home and-

R: Yeah, I like to cook at home.

J: You like to cook at home.

R: I do. I do.

J: Are you a cook, cook or you’re just like, “Oh, whatever, I’ll throw whatever together.”

R: I think it’s a mix of those two. I’m not making a fancy… You know how some people will be like, it’s a compote? I’m not doing that. But a nice chicken breast.

J: I hate it when someone’s like, “It’s a compote!”

R: Yeah, I hate that person so much. But why do you ask about restaurants?

J: Well, that, well, one, it’s part of the premise of the show, but-

R: Right, right, right.

J: I guess I do find it a little bit interesting because restaurants were such a part of my life for so long, especially in New York. I was more interested in wanting to do comedy more, but by nature of my job and how things worked out, restaurants took up more of my brain and time a lot of the time. So it’s interesting to me to think about people who live in New York and are not really restaurant focused and sort of literally like, “What does that look like to you?” Because I’m like, “Okay, now I have my job, which one of my jobs is having a podcast about restaurants and bars so it’s still part of my life,” but it’s like, I have my job and then I go out to restaurants and bars with my friends. That’s what I do.

R: Oh my God.

J: And also shows. But it’s just interesting when people are like, “Yeah, I don’t really go to restaurants.” I’m like, “In this city? What are you talking about?” I just don’t really-

R: I know I got to do better. I do. I do.

J: No but, I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong. I’m just curious, okay, so on a day to day basis, what’s your life looking? Do you know what I mean? And then people will be like, “Museums,” and I’m like, “Sure.”

R: No. That’s a lie.

J: Galleries.

R: Big no, no, no. I don’t believe that person at all.

J: Wait, sorry, not to interrupt but do you ever see these people who do these days in life in New York and they’ll literally list 16 things I’ve never done in my life. They’ll be like, “And then I had some wine at my friend’s gallery opening and then we went and tried on shoes at Camper,” and I’m like-

R: Yeah, what are you doing? First off, how do you have that much time in a day on a Tuesday? They’re doing it during the week.

J: They’ll also be like, “Went and saw my friend, Stephanie.” They’ll pan to someone on the sidewalk, waving at them, they’ve never met in their f*cking life. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’ll be like-

R: I know exactly. Oh my God.

J: And I’m like, someone needs to tell this day in a life guy, his friends f*cking hate him.

R: That’s so true. That’s funny. Oh my God, you should bring them on and do an intervention. Be like, listen.

J: “So I’ve noticed, I’m actually a body language expert and based on every single video you posted of a day in your life, I think not one single one of your friends likes you.”

R: Oh my God. It’s so true. Yeah. No, that. Also they have 20K to spend on a day.

J: They’ll be like, “Met Rose for a latte,” and I’m one latte and then they leave? And I’m like, “I don’t get it.”

R: That’s literally the definition of penciling in. They do that.

J: What it is when I watch it, I think it’s someone who’s like, I live in New York, but I actually live in Soho and or live in Gramercy. It’s like you can treat your neighborhood as a small town, and I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just foreign to me. I mean, it’s really strange but I do think their friends hate them.

R: You know what’s funny? Sorry, this is such an aside. I feel like you kind of have a little New York accent.

J: Wait, do I?

R: A little bit.

J: That’s very interesting.

R: Because the way you just said foreign, you said “Foreign”, which is so… No, sorry, that was so rude.

J: It might have been. No. It might have been because I’m from Rhode Island originally and I moved to Vermont and I was with family all weekend, and I’ve been seeing them a lot so maybe that.

R: Oh, fun. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know. It sounded good, though.

J: I think I do normally say foreign. Huh, every once in a while I’ll drop in some Rhode Island, so maybe that might have been it.

R: It sounds great.

J: My grandma is from Brooklyn originally. And so her accent is half Brooklyn, half Rhode Island, which means it’s indecipherable and sounds like she’s like, “It’s horrible. It’s so humid.” And I’m like…

R: I love her.

J: Yeah, no, she’s an icon. Wait, what was I just going to ask about? Oh wait, so where do you live?

R: Prospect area like Prospect Lefferts.

J: Prospect Heights?

R: No, no, no.

J: Prospect Lefferts.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Southeast side.

J: Okay, we love.

R: Love. Big love.

J: So yeah, that’s interesting. What part of your NYU journey did Brooklyn become part of your life?

R: Oh God. See, your questions are great because they’re so niche to NYU people.

J: Well, I just don’t because-

R: You get it.

J: I didn’t go to NYU and I think it’s just interesting because it’s as someone who… Oh, because I worked in the Village for six years as a bartender.

R: Oh wait, where? What bar?

J: Rosemary’s for four.

R: Oh f*ck.

J: And then I worked at Kindred, which is on 6th and 1st, so kind of two sides of the NYU campus, honestly. And I would see, my favorite was sometimes you would watch two NYU sophomores walk into Rosemary’s literally exhaling the bong rips they just took being like “We’re here to use six bowls of pasta,” and literally watching them try to order the pasta. I also love it because people who are way too drunk in a restaurant are really upsetting and interrupting, two people who are too high to talk, just quietly eating pasta is so pure to me.

R: It’s so cute.

J: It’s so pure.

R: They’re so connected.

J: And so I would just watch them just be like, “It’s so good,” talking to each other.

R: Oh my God. Well, that’s a really fun place to work too.

J: It was a good spot. I was there for four years, which is a very long time.

R: Did you go to Pieces all the time?

J: I actually didn’t. So that was the restaurant I referred to earlier that Rosemary’s was the restaurant I locked into that did not have a going out culture after. So it was very much like I could work there and then go home. Part of the other thing that was really sick about Rosemary’s was I was the lunch bartender, which was the shift from 11 to 4. So it was just five hours in the middle of the day. I could go home and chill at home for a couple hours and then go somewhere for six or whatever. It was a nice little life. So I didn’t go out around Rosemary’s all that often. But no shame to Pieces. Were you privy to this two years ago, no, it was probably longer than that because of the pandemic, but there was this weird era where there would, all of a sudden everyone on Twitter would be like “Adele’s at Pieces.”

R: Yes.

J: I was like, “They’re going to be like Fauci’s at Pieces.” Okay. Sure. They’re truly obsessed with it. No, what was I saying about… Oh, you were saying-

R: NYU, Brooklyn.

J: Yeah. Okay. Right. Do want to ask you that question but you were saying I’m good at talking about NYU because I find it fascinating because I would see current NYU students almost in their NYU bubble being like, “Oh whoa,” because of going to this school, they literally live in this weird of parallel dimension within this college, within this city and watching them, it’s not the energy of-. You know when you see tourists and you can energetically sense that they’re tourists, it’s like that, but you can energetically sense that they’re students that are living this sort of dual life of college student living in New York and it’s very weird and specific and I always found it fascinating. And then I would meet people my age who had gone to NYU and some of them were like, “Yeah, the transition’s actually really hard out.”

R: I don’t know about that.

J: I was like, “Do you mean student debt?” And they were like, “No.” And I was like, “Drown.”

R: Literally drown. Oh my God. Wait, they would say it’s hard and they didn’t have debt? F*ck off.

J: No, but it’s like, do you know what, I just find it interesting. Well, I think it’s sometimes I would be out at a bar and meet some grizzled person who is sitting at the end of some Bushwick bar being, “I remember,” and lighting a cigarette. I’m like, “Did you fight at Mordor? Where are you from?” So I’d have a conversation, I’d be like, “Where’d you go?” And they’d be like, “NYU.” And I’m like, “How did we get here?”

R: That sounds right. That sounds right.

J: How did we get here? So I’m just curious, did you move to Brooklyn while you were in college, after?

R: It was literally right after. So all four years of NYU, first three years were in the dorm and then senior year was in an apartment and that was on St. Mark’s over a bar called Bua.

J: Oh, I know Bua.

R: Oh my God.

J: I went there once.

R: It was all right. Their whole thing is “We have fried pickles.” I’m like, “Okay.”

J: And I love a bar that branded… They were the first one to get something and then everyone else got them, but they’re still holding on, like a bar now that’ll be like, “We have pickle backs.” And I’m like, “Okay babe.”

R: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-kay. What else?

J: Moving forward.

R: Oh, Jesus. I know. Well that was their whole thing and I have such a hatred toward them, even though it’s not their fault. It was definitely my fault.

J: How loud were the people downstairs?

R: They were so loud. So it was messed up because it was on St. Mark’s. I lived between 1st and A, 122 St. Mark’s Place. So bad, and my floor was the bar’s roof, or ceiling.

J: You should have been paying $11.

R: I know. And I wasn’t. I was paying so much to live with three roommates.

J: No, I know.

R: And we were in a closet. It was so bad. I would call 3-1-1. I was like an old lady.

J: You were a Karen.

R: And I really was. I was like, “Can you tell them to lower their music? I can’t sleep.” I couldn’t sleep at all for a whole year.

J: That’s devastating.

R: It set me back years in my life. I’m going to die young because of that. And then after that I was like, I want to move to Brooklyn so bad. Senior year, there are some kids at NYU who will move into Brooklyn. You’re like, “Whoa, they’re brave.” I think it’s awesome, they have to commute to school every day and it’s like, “I can’t imagine doing that. I can’t imagine not walking to school every day,” so that was a whole thing.

J: Buckle up, baby.

R: Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy.

J: When you have a job.

R: But the transition out was not hard.

J: Have you always been in Prospect Lefferts?

R: No, I was in Bushwick off the Morgan L, which is really East Williamsburg. I don’t even think you can call that Bushwick.

J: No, I lived off the Wilson L and that truly to me was like, “Oh, everyone just graduated NYU.” I went to, there’s a bar out there called Father Knows Best, have you ever been there?

R: No, but I’ve heard of it, yeah.

J: And I went there once and it was the first time in my life I concretely looked around a bar and was like, “I’m the oldest person here and I was 26.” And it wasn’t even me being above it, I just was like, “Oh wow, this is the first time that I’m old enough to perceive a fully legal drinking crowd that is significantly younger.” They were all like five years younger than me.

R: And they feel like babies.

J: They feel like babies. Babies. I’m 29. Every year I get older, and just how young 21 actually is. It’s so crazy.

R: Yeah. No, it is really young.

J: Yeah. I don’t understand perception. This has nothing to do with going out but I find this really fascinating, the perception of age in other people is really strange. Okay, how do I articulate this? Do you know how if you watch a TV show from when you were younger that when you watched it, the actors were a lot older than you.

R: Yes. Yes.

J: And now you are older than the actor was in the show, but on the show, they still look older to you than you are.

R: Oh interesting.

J: Does it make sense? Like if I watch “Boy Meets World,” the college years of “Boy Meets World,” Cory and Topanga look older than me to me, but they’re objectively seven years younger than me in that film.

R: Oh that’s so interesting.

J: Does that make sense?

R: It does make sense, but I have the opposite where I will watch, they look younger to me and I’m like, “Oh, you were a child.”

J: So you correctly perceive age.

R: Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

J: Obviously the middle school years of “Boy Meets World,” but also, or f*cking like “Sabrina The Teenage Witch,” the college years. I’m like, “She still looks 30 to me.” Not like I’m saying she looked bad, but I just thought they were so old when I was so little when I watched it and now they still look older to me.

R: Wow. That’s really interesting. There was that thing going around on TikTok where “Zoey 101” just got put on Netflix and everyone was like, “I thought these kids were so old.” And I was like, “Oh my God, wait, they’re like 12. Who was writing this dialogue?”

J: That’s funny that you bring that up because “Zoey 101” was one of the first shows where I was like, “I’m too old for this.” Because I remember them being in the dorms of this high school thing, getting delivered 17-inch- wide sushi platters and I was like, “Who’s paying for this?”

R: I can’t watch this, yeah.

J: I think I probably had my first job and knew how much a three-roll combo cost and I was like, “These kids don’t work. Who’s paying for this?” And it pissed me off.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good, good, good. No, that’s having a standard. That’s really good.

J: It’s funny how as you get older, looking back on little things like that, you’re like, “No, I’m not doing this anymore.”

R: Right. I know. I know. I feel the same way. I do feel like I have to say, because I want to answer your going out question better, because I kind of sound like an introvert. I don’t care about how I’m perceived, but you know what I mean? I’m not like, “That’s not me.” But now, knowing that you worked at Rosemary’s, I’m in that area all the time.

J: Are you?

R: Yeah.

J: Oh right, because your office is over there, right?

R: Yeah, actually not anymore. They just sold the building which is a little sus.

J: That’s tough.

R: I’m like, “Hmm, I don’t know how long am I going to be here? Moving out.” No, but we moved to Times Square so we’ll see. But I think my entirely going out experience in New York City is specifically going to gay bars.

J: Really?

R: They are the best bars in the city so that’s Pieces, Stonewall, Duplex.

J: Julius’?

R: No. Never been to Julius’.

J: Wait. That’s the best one in that area.

R: Oh my God.

J: Without question.

R: No way.

J: Yeah it’s a hundred percent.

R: Oh my God. 100 percent. Wait, where is it in that area?

J: Do you know where the Van Leeuwen’s is on Wave-

R: Yeah.

J: Kitty corner that.

R: Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes, yes, yes. Sorry. Okay. I do know Julius’. I don’t know why I thought it was called Juli-us with little flags outside

J: Yeah, no, it’s Julius’.

R: Oh woo. Okay. Whoa. I’m going to have to go. Except sometimes there have been times that I entered into a space that I… Like I went to The Eagle with some friends once.

J: Yeah, well, you shouldn’t be going to The Eagle.

R: I should not be going to The Eagle. They were like, “No Rose, you can come,” and I was like, “People are mad that I’m here.” And then I had to hang out and try and be cool. It was so f*cked up.

J: I know, but good for you for being… because I’m sure there are some days when you could go to The Eagle. My friend had his birthday party on the roof of The Eagle and there were women there and it was not an issue, but I get there are also some events on some nights where it’s maybe like you should go.

R: Yeah, I should not have been there. I was so mad at them for it. And they were there early and they were like, “Come.” Oh, I was like, “This is a terrible idea.”

J: The first night I went to The Eagle, the men’s, so I went to pee and I was peeing in a urinal and you know how… or, I don’t know if you know this. Above urinals, there’ll sometimes be a mirror to look at yourself.

R: I had no idea they did that.

J: I look up and I’m making dead eye contact with myself in the mirror. And then this is one of the craziest days in my entire life. I’m making dead eye contact with myself and then I realize I’m not looking at myself. This is not my reflection. And I realize that the wall of this urinal is a corrugated fence. And there’s another urinal back to back with mine. And I’m staring at another man pissing in front of me. And I screamed. I was like, “Aaaah!” So this poor man was just peeing, not doing anything inappropriate, and I’m staring dead at him like this just thinking I’m looking at myself and then I’m like, “Aaaah!” And he jumped mid-piss. I was like, “I have to leave.”

R: Oh my God, that’s so funny. That’s such a good story

J: It was truly one of the craziest experiences in my life.

R: Oh my God.

J: Just imagine looking at yourself in the mirror and then realizing it’s a whole ass different person who doesn’t even look like you that much.

R: And then making him jump while he’s midstream. That’s crazy.

J: Why do you love gay bars?

R: Okay. First off they’re dependable, trustworthy. Anytime I have people visiting from out of town and they’re like, where do we go? I take them to Pieces. It is the easiest place to take someone because it’s just fun. The music is always good. Honestly, as a woman walking into a gay bar, no perverts because no one’s looking at me, which is great.

J: I feel like Pieces has great drag.

R: Great drag, the best. The best. I used to go with my friend Mark, we would go to Pieces, honestly once a week. I’m a big Pieces stan.

J: No, I respect this. I love someone who has a standard bar.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was very that in NYU and we would go see Ruby Roo. She’s great. I don’t think she really performs anymore though.

J: Yeah, I haven’t seen her in a while. I don’t know.

R: Yeah, I haven’t seen her, either. But I’m glad you know who she is.

J: Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

R: Mahood and Shaquita was incredible and she’s still going strong and yeah, it’s just a good time, period. All the time.

J: Yeah and a strong drink.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Really strong drink. They fill it with gin.

J: Do you ever go out in Brooklyn or are you mostly sticking to the Manhattan gay bars?

R: Yeah, I do go out in Brooklyn. Prospect is kind of a weird area because all of the places that you would go out are East Williamsburg, Bushwick, not really Prospect area at all. And to get there, you have to bike. There’s no other way or you’re taking a $40 Uber.

J: It is. I have friends that live in PLG and when I go down there, I’m like, “This is cute.” It just needs a G train sort of option to just get you up there.

R: Yes. It does.

J: It’s tough.

R: It’s really tough. It needs that so bad. And it’s also sad because it’s like, if they did put a train there, I just know that that area would be unaffordable in two seconds.

J: Oh, a hundred percent.

R: Yeah, it sucks.

J: A hundred percent. I guess I retract my statement. They don’t need that. I just am not going to move there because they don’t have that train.

R: Right. Yeah, that’s so true.

J: “Actually, cater this historic neighborhood to my needs so I can get to a bar I want to go to.”

R: No, but it’s so true. It’s such a real drawback of the area. But when I do go out in Brooklyn, there are different areas of Brooklyn that I love. There’s that one street in Green Point that Twins Lounge is on and also Good Room. That’s always good.

J: Is that Nassau or Manhattan?

R: That’s Manhattan.

J: Manhattan.

R: Manhattan F. And then, oh my God-

J: What I like about you is that you’re really comfortable going out far from your house.

R: Oh my God. Yeah. You have to.

J: But West Village and Greenpoint are not PLG. I really respect that though.

R: Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, I think it’s important for me.

J: I feel like people, especially NYU people, who used to walk everywhere, are sort of like, “Oh, that one’s really far.” I mean, and it’s like “I’m not asking to go to Astoria, that I get.”

R: Yes. Yes. That’s very true. Also, f*ck Astoria. Sorry. Sorry. Astoria. Love you. But I don’t know.

J: No, f*ck you. No, f*ck you.

R: F*ck you.

J: No, but I really respect that you’re willing to go out far and where are you performing? Wherever you can grab or-

R: Literally wherever I can grab.

J: I totally respect that.

R: Yeah, but my favorite place is definitely Asylum, I have to say really. I really love Asylum.

J: Really? That’s so cool.

R: Because every time I’ve performed at Asylum, the crowd is great and I think it’s because of the psychology of the space.

J: The three-quarter thrust is cool.

R: Yes. Yes. Ooh. Yeah. You have the whole term, haven’t you. Have you performed at The Stand?

J: Yes.

R: That’s a rough space.

J: Did you do upstairs or downstairs?

R: Upstairs.

J: I’ve done both and so I’ll say this, upstairs is challenging. I found the fact that you can see the bar behind the room you’re in-

R: So bad.

J: It’s very distracting because you see, it’s almost like your brain is kind of thinking you’re bombing because you’re looking at a separate room of a hundred people who can’t even hear you.

R: Yeah. Aren’t paying attention to you.

J: It’s very strange. I don’t love that. Downstairs is better. Downstairs is actually objectively better. The only time I’ve done downstairs was for a JFL showcase and so the energy of it was very… Do you know what I mean? So I kind of didn’t love it, but I don’t think that was the room’s fault. Actually for both of those rooms, and maybe this is because comics don’t normally do this, but it’s really hard to watch the sets there if you’re on the show which I think is kind of a bummer.

R: I hate that.

J: I like to watch.

R: Yeah, I like to watch too.

J: Yeah, I’m a freak.

R: Comedy freak. Yes.

J: That’s what’s great about Asylum, cause it used to be Chelsea, so I’m very familiar with it. So it’s like, you can watch from the back, you can go around. It is really fun in that way.

R: And it kind of feels like it has that ’70s, “We’re in New York doing comedy” kind of vibe.

J: When you’re doing a show,  are you also out? Are you having a drink? Are you hanging out? Are you going out after? Or are you doing your show and going home?

R: It varies. It varies. I think if it’s a special show, then yeah, I will go out after. But if it’s just like, “Okay, I’m doing this show and-”

J: Getting myself in and going.

R: I’m going home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: I totally respect that.

R: Right. And also I’m usually lugging around a piano and that is a real cock-block.

J: Marcia’s the same. Marcia also does musical and she ended up getting a smaller one because she was like, “It throws off my whole energy to just know I have this f*cking keyboard with me.”

R: Yes. Oh my God, I empathize with her so much. And even I have a smaller one now, too, when she says smaller one, was she using an 88 key and then went down to a 61?

J: No, she had a little, it almost was like a kid’s toy. I think it was more practical than that, but it was this big. She could throw it in a tote bag.

R: Oh that’s what I need.

J: And then she’d play it on her lap.

R: Oh my God, yeah.

J: It’s cute.

R: Okay, cute. Who was it? Mitski. Mitski said that she would perform with the piano and then-

J: She had to learn a guitar because of the piano. I just saw this interview.

R: Yeah, because she hated doing it. And I was like, “Oh my God, I’m cursed. It’s just such a big instrument,” but I’ll have to do-

J: Do you play the guitar?

R: Not well. Yeah, no, no. I can play one song by America.

J: I mean, I literally can’t do a single thing musically, it’s actually so deranged. I did music. I did singing all through high school. I never thought I was going to be a singer, but I did it because all my friends did it and I did enjoy it, but I was never like, “I’m a vocalist.” Every year they would be like, “Who can read music?” And I would raise my hand, I was like, “Yeah, I know how to read music.” I was like, “The lyrics are English.” Truly did not understand. I found out later, I saw someone reading music out loud and they were saying the notes and I was like, “Wait, you know the name of the notes when you look at the thing?” And he was like, “Yeah, I can read music.” And I was like, “Me too. Don’t be rude. What are you talking about?” Truly had no idea.

R: That’s so funny.

J: So you’re telling me when you look at the measures of music you know which note? He was like, “That’s the entire premise of music.” And I was like, “Okay.”

R: Not clicking.

J: I’m like, “Truly had no idea.”

R: Yeah. Oh my God. That is so funny.

J: Have you always done music?

R: Yeah.

J: Ever since you were little?

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was a violinist for a long-ass time.

J: Strings players are really hot to me.

R: Yeah, thank you.

J: To me. That’s really hot.

R: Thanks. I never practiced, though, because I just didn’t like it, and then piano was the thing that woke me up or something. And I was like, “Oh my God, I want to do this all the time.”

J: So and so you were doing music all through college, but you were afraid to perform it, you said?

R: Yeah. Yeah.

J: It’s so interesting.

R: Isn’t that? Yeah, it was crazy. And then that changed when I got out of college and honestly I got out of college, that was 2019, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, and then I had a rebirth which is… Everyone needs to try it. If you are with someone, if you’re listening right now and you are with someone, break up with them because it’s the best thing you could do for yourself. It really is.

J: Wait, talk to me. I find this actually really interesting. So how long were you guys together?

R: Two and a half years.

J: And then he broke up with you?

R: Yeah, it was so bad.

J: And it was so bad.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: You were devastated?

R: Devastated.

J: But it was the best thing?

R: Best thing.

J: Why?

R: Silver lining after, because you realize when you’re in a relationship, unless you’re a stable, healthy person, maybe, no matter what, you give so much of yourself and you compromise so much of yourself and you don’t focus on yourself and I don’t want to sound like a jaded “New York, love doesn’t exist” bitch, but that is when you will get sh*t done. And I want to stay in that mindset for as long as possible until I’m like, “I lost love,” something like that. But yeah, it was great.

J: I get it, especially, I mean you’re 25. It’s like, you don’t need to do that right now. You also never need to do it, but you don’t even need to want to do that right now. I think it is perfectly fine to focus on yourself, especially because we’re in a city where you can do everything on your own, I think a little bit. Obviously you need help for certain things, but you have friends and you have community and whatever. Did you feel like, when you went through that, did you turn to creativity to get through it?

R: Yeah. Yeah. And also, so then I was supposed to move in with him.

J: Slay.

R: Crazy 2020.

J: Oh, it was 2020?

R: It was 2020. January 2020, he broke up with me on Christmas Eve in Italy. Say it was a mess, but don’t worry, a different story for a different time.

J: Were you there with him? Okay, different story but were you there with him with family or was it just the two of you? His family or yours?

R: His family.

J: He is the craziest person I’ve ever heard of in my life.

R: I know. I know. I know. I don’t even care about doxing him right now.

J: Did you have to do Christmas with his family the next day?

R: Yeah. And he has a big Italian family. It was like 20 people at this table and I’m deep breathing and I have tears coming out of my eyes.

J: I’m picturing Glenn Close in “The Wife.” Have you seen “The Wife?”

R: No, no, but I’m sure it’s the perfect reference, woman at the brink.

J: You’re literally at a gorgeous dinner, sort of like….

R: I was shaking and it’s a full-day thing and I’m a Jew.

J: They’re trying to eat, get you to eat the seven fishes.

R: Yeah. And I was just like, “I don’t want to.” And also they didn’t really speak English, either. So I’m an emotional wreck, they don’t know what’s going on. He’s not going to translate for me because we’re broken up.

J: Who is this guy?

R: A crazy, crazy man, crazy man, but great guy for the record. Anyway.

J: That’s so crazy. But so you turned to creativity to get through that.

R: Yeah. So what I was going to say is that we were supposed to move in after that Christmas. And then I had cut my lease on my apartment, didn’t have a place to live, and I moved in with my mom on Long Island. And this was before we even knew Covid was going to shut down the world so I was like, “Oh my God, I’m 22 years old and I’m living with my mom and it’s so embarrassing.” I had to move out of the city, and then the day we officially, officially broke up, I got my job at Comedy Central and I was like, “Okay, this is the universe talking.”

J: Amazing.

R: And I guess, I don’t know. And then when Covid hit, I had all this time to be alone and I rediscovered piano. I was playing it in college, but I never played it for my boyfriends.

J: Well, had it ever occurred to you to do it for comedy?

R: No. It was something I wanted to do, but I thought I couldn’t.

J: Got you. And has your reconnection with piano exclusively led to comedy or do you also write sincere music?

R: No, I don’t write sincere music, I can’t do it.

J: Yeah. I think about that all the time. I’ve been going back to my early teen years, it’s not emo music because it’s not MCR but emo, emotional Guster sort of vibe. And I’ve been listening to that a little bit and I’m like, “Wow, songwriting is really just letting people read a poem you wrote.”

R: Yes. Oh my God. Yes.

J: I’m like, “That is so vulnerable.”

R: Yeah. Yeah. That’s why, I don’t know, I don’t even think I’ve attempted to write a serious song because there’s something about it. And I’m like, “That’s just silly.”

J: I was thinking about this also recently, something that we accept as a totally normal behavior is to write a song about another person and then release it publicly. And it’s sort of this thing where it’s like, if you do it and you’re a celebrity and the song is good, everyone’s like, “Yes.” And if you’re a normal person and it’s remotely not incredible, I’m like, “You’re the craziest person in the world, be institutionalized.” Do you know what I mean?

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: If anyone I knew in my personal life was like, “Well we just released.” I’m like, “Hey guys, I just broke up with Tim and here’s a song I wrote about it and then I posted it online.” I would literally be like, “Is there a helpline for this? Call it. That’s so crazy.”

R: 9-1-1.

J: Yeah. But when Olivia Rodrigo does it, I’m like, “I bought the album.” Do you know what I mean? It’s such a double standard.

R: Well, that’s also our industry, which is very scary because if you work in the arts and everyone’s like, “Draw on what you know.” If you get hurt, you’re going to write about that person or you’re going to get written about.

J: Yeah.

R: Have you been written about?

J: Have I been written about?

R: Or have you seen something you were like, “Oh my God, that’s me.”

J: I saw someone. Here’s something that happened to me the other day that was interesting, I think someone accidentally forgot I was on close friends and kind of dragged me on close friends.

R: Stupid.

J: And I don’t think they noticed. And I still don’t think they noticed because I’ve seen them since then. They were like, “Hey.” And I was sort of like “ Hmm. Fascinating.”

R: Do you think they didn’t know? Or do you think they wanted to?

J: I actually don’t care because it wasn’t that offensive to me. I was just like, “I think this is about me or about me and other people.”

R: Holy shit.

J: I know I’m being annoyingly vague, but I don’t want this person to hear and know that I’m talking about them.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

J: But I was like “I think this is a drag of me.”

R: Oh my God.

J: I guess the easiest way is for me to say I was sort of offended by something posted on close friends and I feel like it would be obvious I would be offended by this so it’s really interesting that you let me see this.

R: That’s foolish.

J: I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone make content that was about me. And I honestly hope to f*cking God I never do.

R: Yeah, no, you’ll kill. You’ll kill.

J: I would just hate myself. That’s the thing is I’m the kind of person where if someone tells me I did something bad, I immediately believe them. And I have to actively work to be like, “That’s not true.” Someone could literally text me right now and be like, “Hey, you ran over my sister with a car this morning,” and I’d be like, “I did.” And I didn’t drive a car. Do you know what I mean? I have to really actually work. Okay, I didn’t drive a car today. That’s not true. But I would immediately believe it.

R: Oh my God, same. That’s people pleasing. Yeah. It’s like a codependency.

J: It’s a people pleasing thing.

R: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We could go into this. My therapist gives me all these terms. So, got you.

J: I’m currently trying to find a new therapist and it’s the process of judging a therapist based on their online profile, I’m like, “You all look like psychos. I don’t trust any of you.”

R: Are you on “Psychology Today?” Is that what you’re using?

J: No, I was using Alma.

R: Oh my God. Yeah.

J: Okay, so I had amazing success with Alma the first time I used it and I loved my therapist and then I changed insurance and so I had a Covid tax credit last year, so I had literally incredible insurance that I paid $12 for. And now I have insurance that if I got shot and I was like, “Hey, I need to get medical help,” they’d be like, “You need to send us a picture of the bullet.” And they’d be, “And depending on what that looks like, we’ll cover you.” But I do pay $300 a month for it. It’s really bad insurance. It’s really expensive. It’s gorgeous. On the really good insurance I had, I put my information in Alma and it was like, “Here’s a swath of absolute gorgeous therapists who are perfectly aligned with what you do. And then literally yesterday, I put my new insurance in because I did this once before. A few months ago when I switched the insurance, I put it in Alma and Alma literally was like, “Sorry.” There was no one.

R: No way.

J: And so then this time I was like, “Let me try again.” And I did. And it was sort of like, “This person’s licensed in Florida and you can talk to them if you want.” I was like, “That doesn’t feel good.”

R: No, no, no. I feel like you don’t even want. I don’t know.

J: Why aren’t you licensed here? Do you know what I mean? So that was so interesting. Alma, I will do an ad for you for free therapy. I’m not joking. Alma hit me.

R: That’s really sad. My therapist, I got from Alma or Psychology Today, but she was also in Alma and then showed me the world of Alma so, yeah.

J: Now this is an ad for Alma. The thing about Alma is it’s not Alma’s fault that my insurance is profoundly bad and they seem to be doing the best they can. And when my insurance was mediocre, Alma was great. I actually kind of stanned, I just need to get better insurance.

R: Yeah. Oh my God. That sucks. Did you know that insurance changes from state to state?

J: Yeah.

R: I never knew that.

J: When I first lived in New York for the first four years, I was still on my mom’s insurance because I was under 26 and the way the insurance worked was I was only covered in New York for emergency room visits, so for anything I had to go to the emergency room. So then it would be like, if it’s not an emergency but I went to the emergency room, I would have to wait hours for a sinus infection. It was so annoying.

R: No way.

J: Yeah. Because if I went to anything else I had to pay out of pocket and I was really, really broke when I moved to New York. So it’s like, I could have gone to an urgent care and paid the $200 but I was like, I guess I’ll just wait four hours. And it’s tough.

R: Yeah. I see. I’m still living the good ignorant life because I’m 25 so I’m still on my mom’s insurance.

J: That’s so nice.

R: And I’m in the same state, but I have a friend who’s moving to L.A. and the whole thing for him was changing his insurance and I was like, “I had no idea.”

J: Here’s what I think you should do because I lived in England for a year and I got to be on their insurance. I would say just book a job over there and live over there because they just have the free stuff or Canada, it’s so much better.

R: There is that psychotic formula or something or I don’t know what to call it. I’m missing a word. But someone figured out that the cost of a hip replacement in America is $47,000, and I’m sure it’s more than that now, that actually sounds really cheap. But for the same amount of money you could live in Madrid in the nicest area of the city for a year within a nice apartment, get the hip replacement, and be fine and then come back.

J: Yeah, it’s truly crazy.

R: So maybe we got to do that.

J: I know someone who did a whole trip. They had a f*cked up thing happen with their mouth and they were potentially going to die and it was cheaper for them to go to, I think, Costa Rica and get the work done and do a zip-lining excursion while you’re there than it was to get treated here. Truly f*cking psychotic. This has been so fun. This went by so fast.

R: It really did.

J: So I like to end the episodes by planning a night out together.

R: Okay.

J: So let’s go out.

R: Okay. We’ll go out.

J: I’m leaving for five weeks in three days, but we’ll do it when I get back. Okay. What’s exciting to you? Do you want to go to Pieces?

R: I think we have to go to Pieces.

J: Let’s go to Rosemary’s first because they’ll hook us up because I used to work there.

R: Oh yeah. Okay. Okay. Let’s do that. So Rosemary’s first then I think we mosey on over to Pieces for the show.

J: Yeah, for the show.

R: Then do you want to suggest or?

J: No. I want to hear. I’m curious what you’re going to say.

R: Okay, all right. Then I would say, sometimes a show isn’t isn’t what you want.

J: What you want.

R: I would say after that, I mean we’d have to go to Julius’ now.

J: Yeah, oh!

R: Yeah. Call back, call back.

J: And I’ll show you Julius’.

R: Yeah. You show me Julius’.

J: And let’s actually, to amend that, let’s actually just do small plates like apps at Rosemary because Julius’… Are you a vegetarian?

R: No.

J: Good. Julius’ has an amazing burger.

R: Oh, okay.

J: So we’ll do snacks and apps and maybe some wine at Rosemary’s, then a cocktail then Pieces and then we’ll finish with burgers and drinks at Julius’.

R: Perfect. Oh my God. This is great.

J: We’re going to do it when I get back.

R: I can’t wait.

J: Thank you so much for doing the show.

R: Thank you for having me.

J: Of course.

R: It was so fun and nice meeting you.

J: Nice meeting you. We did it!

Thank you so much for listening to “Going Out With Jake Cornell.” If you could please go and rate and review us on whatever you’re listening to this on, that would be really gorgeous for me in a huge way, so thank you.

And now, for some credits. “Going Out With Jake Cornell” is recorded in New York City and is produced by Keith Beavers and Katie Brown. The music you’re hearing is by Darbi Cicci. The cover art you’re probably looking at was photographed by M. Cooper and designed by Danielle Grinberg. And a special shout-out to VinePair co-founders Adam Teeter and Josh Malin for making all of this possible.