What do you get when you throw a bunch of twenty-somethings in a beach house (rented by Tristen’s parents) and the lingering pennies of their refund checks? A spring break for the books.
But when you walk into the liquor store on a broke college budget, it can be intimidating AF. There are so many bottles and brands and varieties and your group chat is no help when you ask, “What do we actually need?” Don’t worry – we have the hookup for the booze and drinking accessories you actually need.
Spring break fo’ eva.
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A Lot of Vodka
This is mostly vodka but I’m not buying drinks at the bar so I gotta chug it ;___; pic.twitter.com/VBvV2pPoTM
— Broop ??♊️ (@SassyScientisk) October 25, 2015
You’re cheap, you’re broke, and you’ve worked TOO DAMN HARD on that spring break bod to throw it all away drinking empty beer calories. Lucky for you, the only thing that doesn’t mix with that big bottle of Wave is your dignity and on spring break having any ounce of dignity is optional. Filtering it through a Brita may or may not save you, but just stop acting like a real adult and take the shots like a real freshman.
Knock Off Handle of Silver Rum
Take me back to spring break and drinking rum buckets on the beach ?☀️ pic.twitter.com/SOWeWaRCrV
— Casey Gometz (@caseeebaby) March 18, 2017
Did you even spring break if there were no daiquiris involved? Think of how great it’s going to feel when you have your ass in the sand drinking a pink, frozen drink that is totally going to give you the hangover from hell in three hours. If that’s not art, we don’t know what is.
— Kegstand Sports (@kegstand_sports) March 16, 2017
What makes a beer a good shotgunning beer, you ask? It’s 99 percent water, it’s cheap AF, and the cans are so fragile that you could puncture them with a random sea shell. Perfect for immediate chugging, pong, and maybe even a solid game of dizzy bat in the parking lot.
I could sit on the beach drinking rum and vodka out of a coconut every day for the rest of my life. pic.twitter.com/5t2nYSb8w5
— Young Jefe (@__JUSTthatGUY) March 15, 2017
It can be hard to get into the spring break state of mind in the middle of March, but nothing is going to get the job done like an ice-cold shot of some coconut-flavored liquor (great opportunity for more rum BTW). Will it taste like sunscreen? Maybe. Will it warm you up like a golden sunset across the horizon? Most definitely.
A Box of Pinot Grigio
— Destanie 2 ∞ & → (@_Dezzzy) February 12, 2017
Sipping on a lukewarm (coolers are hard) Pinot by the pool is the perfect complement to a golden glow. Never will we ever condone shedding a pouch of wine from an unsuspecting box, but on spring break desperate times call for desperate measures and sometimes a bag must get slapped. Also, if your squad isn’t going to trash up this family-friendly beach, WHO WILL???
An Opaque Cup
The story of Jessica Joseph’s death feat. Bubba keg pic.twitter.com/imaZjIJXqQ
— jess ☾ (@jessicajosephh) October 31, 2014
Sadly, not all beaches are boozy beaches (these are), so one has to become a little more covert in their alcohol consumption. Think big, cup holder friendly, and stainless. Straws optional, but encouraged.
TheCityCancun: Spring break diet: Salt, Lemon & Tequila. Salud! pic.twitter.com/qXGkEUchoz
— Relax In Cancun (@RelaxInCancun) March 2, 2016
A tale as old as time, cheap tequila always looks like such a great idea when you pick it off the bottom shelf of the liquor store. You don’t realize the mistakes you’ve made until you knock a shot back and realize that no amount of lime can save you from this self-fulfilled prophecy. What a pre-game, amirite???
One Bottle of Prosecco
— Hector Zapata (@HectorZpata) September 18, 2014
In the game of spring break, there are winners and there are losers, and it’s all decided over who posts the cutest pic on Instagram. Shallow? Yes, and you better believe we’re not going to let Becky and those other bitches who went to Cabo look like they had more fun than us. Shake up some bubbly and take the most adorable Champagne shower pic your campus has ever seen.
A Cooler That Rolls and a Will to Survive
Everyone on spring break vs. MDC students ? pic.twitter.com/dRYbSVowxE
— Roy (@c0smic_atheist) March 13, 2017
Because you’re not actually going to carry this shit down the boardwalk – especially after two rounds of Circle of Death.