A flute of good Champagne is one of the world’s nicest ways to toast a wonderful evening — and, as is common, a great year. As no good deed goes unpunished, the French have been rewarded for giving Champagne to the world by providing us with a beverage used by classless teenagers of wealth as photographic markers of their ignorance.
To be clear here, we are talking about Champagne, which as the French government will tell you, is more than mere sparkling wine. It’s sparkling wine from Champagne. Cava, Prosecco, and all the rest . . . great bubbly beverages, but as the French will proudly inform you, they aren’t up to snuff if you’re a teenager hell-bent on Instagramming your affluent ignorance!
Here are our top eight photos:
- They have so little taste that they pour Champagne on their breakfast (hint – Champagne isn’t salt, and we can think of some letters that might suit this selfie-taker better than the H on his Hermes belt):
- They bathe with it. And we thought the Beaujolais Nouveau spa was over-the-top!
- They believe in trickle-down (on your face) economics:
- They think so highly of Jay Z’s boycott-Cristal Champagne, Ace Of Spades, that they dump it in the bathroom because it’s #beenahardlongday so clearly it’s time for a #goldenshower:
- They’re oblivious enough to wear clothing that says 86 me!
- They pop Champagne for fun while drinking tasteless vodka (the only kind worth drinking!):
- They’ll funnel Dom as if it were Milwaukee’s Best if given the chance (unfortunately, said chance occurred). The drinker’s own comments are too much fun not to screenshot!
- They’ll feed Champagne to their lap dogs straight out of the bottle while ironically wearing a hat shouting out the “V.I.P. Rooms” that nightclub designers build to separate aforementioned lap dog owners from their money . . . “in style!” At least strip clubs have the integrity to call Champagne Rooms . . . well, Champagne Rooms!